The Bones of You
by redemptionofjames
Summary: Theirs was a complicated story, one that had been tangled and gnarled hopelessly with plot twists, arguments, embarrassments, and heartbreak since the very beginning in first year. This is the story of Lily and James from 6th year onwards (but with a twist). Rated M for possible future content/excessive swearing/mature themes etc, in progress.
1. Chapter 1

Hello all! Once in the past I have attempted to write a James/Lily fic, but it kind of died and wasn't that good, etc. It was difficult for me to write, so this is me trying again. I don't do this kind of thing all too much, but I've decided to play around with the timeline structure of this story and so, of course, it's really confusing. In every chapter there will be two parts- the Forward part and the Backward Part. Basically, half of each chapter is the events from the start of sixth year, going forwards in chronological order; and the other is from after seventh year ends, going instead _backwards_, in reverse chronological order. When both parts of the story meet there is a BIG MYSTERIOUS EVENT CLIMAX which will not be revealed until the last chapter (which it is in). I know it's confusing, but it's a challenge for me and I'm going to try and make it as uncomplicated as possible. As well as that, my writing is full of random side-stories, anecdotes, and offshoots which will pop up and then may never be heard of again. So I suppose this story isn't for the faint of heart. Thanks for reading, and reviews and (_constructive_) criticism are appreciated!

_i. the beginning and the end; the fallen death eater_

FORWARD -

_January 1978_

Lily Evans stood wreathed in steam. There are quite a few wonderful places where one may stand wreathed in steam- a sauna, hot springs- but the not-so-young-anymore girl felt that the place where _she_ stood, wreathed in steam, may have been the most fantastic of them all. She was standing on Platform 9 3/4; in the spot where she'd stood many times before, but this time seemed _especially_ special. She rolled the words out through her tongue. _"Especially special."_ She liked the sound of the phrase; it had soft hissing sounds in some places, nice full vowels in others, and ending with a beautiful little "L". So perhaps she was biased- her name, after all, was _Lily_. She had to love the letter "L". Lily Evans smiled, shook her head of ginger in exasperation at herself- for really, who stands on steam-wreathed platforms saying "_Especially special"_?

With a second _"Especially special"_ that she could not help but let escape through her lips, Lily turned around to search for the trolley on which she had just let go of for a few seconds- but of course, a lot of things can happen in a few seconds.

A Few Seconds

One second was the time it took for James Potter to spot Lily Evans on the crowded platform. He was well trained in the art of Lily-spotting; so much so that he could spot her in one second. And he did- one second, one heartbeat, and she was there. He smiled, and that took another second. James smiled because the sight of her standing there, muttering something inaudible to herself- he'd seen her lips move- made him smile. And lastly, James took a deep breath and moved toward Lily Evans. She spoke again, but this time he was close enough to hear.

How many of something constitutes as _a few_ is purely subjective, but James managed to spot, smile, and move in what everyone agreed to be _a few seconds._ The few milliseconds before he opened his mouth were either the worst or the best; James hadn't decided. On the one hand, he was filled with hope that this encounter might not go quite as bad as the last ones had. On the other... nerves besieged him that this encounter might be the worst to-date.

He opened his mouth, and the few seconds ended.

"Especially special, huh?" He said, and Lily's face decided the time was right for a change of colour and temperature- her cheeks stained with a glorious red and _burned _as he kept speaking. "I'll tell you what's especially special-"

"Me, I've heard." Lily said bitterly, her face on fire. If anything could reach in and snatch her out of her exhilarated, start-of-term mood, it was the incessant flirting and flattery directed towards her by James Potter. Theirs was a complicated story, one that had been tangled and gnarled hopelessly with plot twists, arguments, embarrassments, and heartbreak since the very beginning in first year. Little did Lily Evans know that the story of Lily and James was about to get even more convoluted- but not just yet. At that moment, their story was continuing much as anyone could expect.

"You seem sure of yourself, Evans." James let a chuckle slip past the plastic fork he was chewing absentmindedly. "I was honestly going to say Sirius, but there you are."

"What does that even mean, "_there you are_"?" Lily pulled her face into a frown. She disliked the way James talked; his words looped around over themselves until they had lost all meaning. It grated on her nerves, until she sometimes snapped and began to yell at him- often, she would admit, for this slightly unfair reason. Still, the other times she yelled were _completely_ justified.

"What do you think, Evans?" James smiled enigmatically around the fork. "There you are means there you are- there we all are, in the end." He hopped down from where he has just perched on the edge of her trolley; somehow, it hadn't broken under his weight. "Anyway;" He took the chewed, twisted fork out of his mouth and tossed it down onto the train tracks. Lily eyed the blatant littering disapprovingly. "Had a good Christmas, Evans?"

"It was alright." Lily replied stiffly. To vastly understate, she and James Potter did not get along. Lily had never had any degree of patience for his cruel jokes and pranks- more often than not performed at the expense of others- even more so now that they were older. She was a prefect and he... he had only taken his pranks to a new, horrible level as he had grown older. "Yours?"

"Good, good." He appeared delighted that she had responded civilly. He was no doubt delighted for good reason, as Lily frequently got rather infuriated with him and things were not unknown to end in shouting matches. "Seeing the family and taking a break's nice, but I suppose it's not the same as Hogwarts."

"No." Lily agreed, not truly listening. She had sworn to go home for Christmas every year, but could not say with complete honesty that she enjoyed it. She sighed and moved forward to regain control of her trolley. "I'll see you around, then, Potter."

"No- wait- L- Evans." As she regained control of her trolley, James lost and regained control of his voice. Her lips quirked up slightly at that thought.

James saw the half-smile and it reassured him.

"I was just thinking-"

But Lily had had enough; she'd spotted someone particular in the crowd swarming towards the train. "I find that surprising, Potter." She snapped before she could think. She looked up guiltily; taking in James's hurt face with a single sweep of her eyes. _Severus hanging upside down by his ankle,_ Lily thought. This tactic- thinking of all the horrible things James had done- was a pathetic excuse, a stupid system of justification she had come up with for deliberately insulting James Potter. It didn't completely eradicate the burning guilt in her stomach, but it lessened it. _Calling him names._ Lily felt a jolt as another name that had been called that fateful day came to mind. Why was she _thinking of that_ now?

A pained expression filled his face before it vanished altogether, indifference hardening his eyes. "Whatever you want to think, Evans."

"Don't you have some first years to bully?" The words escaped her lips, soaring into the air like a poisonous insect. James's indifference slid into anger, and Lily was frightened at what he said next- how did he know she had just been thinking of it?

"Don't you have some Death Eater friends to protect? Or is that not a priority since they all start calling you names in the end?"

_Mudblood._

Lily stifled a sob. "I hate you."

* * *

- BACKWARD

_May 1979_

Lily stifled a laugh. "I love you."

"Love you too, Lillers." James laughed into the foam of his beer. He was glad that they still- probably always would- found ways to joke, and laughing relaxed them and calmed their constantly-on-edge nerves. It had been a while since either of them had had a chance to take a day off; between Order missions and... well, other Order missions, there was little time for them to spend a casual day out together. James yawned and one hand dove into his messy hair. "Saving the Wizarding World's a busier job than I thought, honestly. Dunno what-"

"Sorry, did you just say the _wizarding_ world?" Came a curious voice-the bartender, a heavily made-up young woman with locks of hair that rose like stalagmites from her head.

"Ah, shit, no, er. I meant..." James looked to his wife for help. She laughed. He turned red- embarrassed, but not enough to fail to appreciate how pretty she looked when she laughed, her eyes crinkling up around the edges.

"He's just embarrassed. We're magicians- well, he is. I'm just the bimbo in the box he cuts in half." Lily accompanied this with a satisfied smile, almost exploding with laughter at the alarmed expression on James's face. She had no doubt that he had no _idea_ about bimbos in boxes getting sawed in half, and she loved it. She liked going out into the muggle world; the people there weren't in a constant state of oppressing fear.

The bartender eyed them curiously. "Do you do card tricks, then?" She asked, reaching to pour someone a pint of Hobgoblin from the tap. "Had a bloke in here the other day dressed like John Lennon showing off his card tricks. I thought he was kind of rubbish at the time 'cos he kept dropping his cards but turned out it was all just part of the act." She grinned and leaned forward, her elbows on the bar.

"John Lennon? Who's that?" James repeated blankly.

Lily smacked her head on the bar in exasperation and the bartender shot James a glance- half-amused, half-disbelieving. "That one's had too much to drink, if you ask me." She gave Lily a friendly pat on the shoulder, then straightened up to go fill out orders. "Either that or he's an idiot. Cute, though, so keep him around."

Lily smirked and grabbed James's arm to pull him to his feet. "Come on, idiot." She deposited the appropriate amount of money on the counter and waved a cheery farewell to the bartender.

"Alright, bimbo in a box. What was that all about anyway?" James wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulder and they made towards the door. Lily giggled and started to reply, but was cut off by the sounds of screaming and explosions.

At once, Lily and James pulled out their wands, a simultaneous fluid motion that was obviously well practiced. To the Muggles in the pub, they might have looked ridiculous, but none were looking at the young couple. They were trying to see what was happening out of the window; unfortunately covered up with posters advertising live sporting events on the pub TV so that it was impossible to discern what was going on. James and Lily, however, knew at once. They'd heard the sounds too many times not to know.

"Everyone- stay in here! Don't leave this pub!" James bellowed. The eyes of all the muggle patrons and bartender flicked in his direction, but he had already grabbed Lily's hand and the both of them were out the door.

"_Colloportus." _Lily hissed, and the door clicked as it locked securely. They turned to face the commotion- screaming Muggles ran in all directions from a small group of black-robed, masked figures.

"This was supposed to be our day off!" Whined James, as his wife beside him gathered the energy to conjure a communicative patronus. Realising this, he placed his hand on her shoulder. "No time; I'll call Sirius with the mirrors." She nodded and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him before dashing off. A thought flashed through the panic in her mind. _The muggles. _As Lily cast a shield around the nearest group- huddled together, wide-eyed, shaking- James had succeeded in alerting Sirius. Two order members-Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon- apparated on the street and the Death Eaters noticed; masked faces turned towards the newcomers. Spells began to fly wildly; flashes of colour and light, tremendous explosions shook the ground under their feet; James never lost sight of Lily, red hair flying as she dueled; he stepped in next to her and began his own volley of ferocious spells. _Stupefy, petrificus totalus, levicorpus-_ James's brain went into a repeating pattern, pausing only to block offensive magic aimed his way.

Countless stunning spells, curses, and Unforgivables- the last coming only from the Death Eaters- later, it was finished; the Death Eaters, sensing impending defeat, disapparated in a flurry of black. All except for one, knocked unconscious by Sirius Black. The four Order members approached, scrambling over rubble. James kicked the man over and shoved the mask off his face.

He felt Lily's intake of breath beside him.

_Mudblood._

Something within Lily's throat stuck. She couldn't swallow or breathe; her mouth felt dry and she was hit by a wave of dizziness, of utter confusion exploding within her. Her companions stiffened as they, too, recognised the face that stared up at them. "_Fuck._" Sirius breathed, fist clenching tighter around his wand.

"I'm waking him up." Lily heard herself say. She knew it was what she wanted to do.

"No- Lily!" James grabbed her arm as Marlene and Sirius made simultaneous noises of shock. "He's not like he was before- you've seen him, attacking Muggles. He'll try and kill us as soon as look at us." His eyes pleaded with her, panic suffusing them. Panic suffused _everything._ Did Lily really not see? Was she so _blinded _by the past? "He's a bloody _Death Eater-"_

Lily shook herself out of his grasp. "I only want a word." She said, curtly, before pointing her wand at the figure on the ground. "_Reernevate."_

Severus Snape awoke.

She leaned over him.

His condescending tone echoed in her ears. _Mudblood, mudblood, mudblood. _The sight of him prowling through the streets, attacking innocent Muggles, played repeatedly before her eyes. The pain of the Cruciatus Curse, the helpless terror of the Imperius Curse... worst of all, the hollow feeling as lives were taken by a flash of green light and a scream of "_Avada Kedavra_". All this Lily saw and heard where she had previously seen friendship and heard laughter.

"Hello, Sev."

He turned noticeably pale- as much as was possible considering the already sallow skin that clung tightly to the bones of his face. Severus Snape stared at her, unblinkingly. James flinched at her use of his old nickname, and the movement caught Severus's attention. His eyes flickered towards James. Everyone noticed this saccade- especially when the cold black gaze slid down to the now intertwined hands of Lily and James Potter.

_Mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood._

"Having fun with your new life, are you, Sev?" Lily said coldly, taking everyone by surprise. The silence had stretched on for longer than she'd realised. "Having fun murdering innocent people?" She took a step closer to him. Still, nobody said anything. Blood pounded in her ears. "You coward."

She leaned close to his face. "I hate you, you _bastard."_ She lifted her foot and stomped on his face, hard, three times. "I hate _everything that you are._"

Lily glanced up at James. He was smiling, though a little sadly. Her heart cleared; this battle- the battle she'd been fighting since fifth year when Severus Snape had changed everything- this battle had been won.

As the fallen Death Eater got to his feet and apparated away, they didn't even look back.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Halloa there- I'm back with a second chapter! I seriously doubt anyone except me would notice this, but did you see what I did there with Lily calling Snape a coward? That serves as an explanation as why in the books that insult affects him so much. (Half-Blood Prince, when Harry thinks he killed Dumbledore) Anyway, yeah, that's just something I thought I'd share. I'm fond of slipping little details like that in my stories. SO, this chapter is possibly more confusing than the last, because it jumps around quite a bit. I, however, quite like it. Thanks for reading, and reviews/constructive criticism are appreciated and fabulous~

_ii. the curse and the letter; redemption and a change of heart_

FORWARD -

For those that attended Hogwarts during the second term of Lily and James's sixth year, it was an extraordinarily eventful term in all respects. There are many theories as to how the events of this particular term began; nobody remembers for sure, but everyone agrees that it had something to do with Lily Evans and James Potter.

The truth of the matter was not, in any way, simple. The truth involved, among other things, a letter and a curse. The involvement of the letter and the curse in this story began at roughly the same time, on the morning that the new term began.

The Letter

The letter arrived in an official-looking envelope, crisp and neatly pressed parchment folded carefully and sealed precisely. It entered the Great Hall- and our story- clutched in the talons of a stately tawny owl, a magnificent bird with a Ministry tag tight around its leg. The owl in question was an efficient and diligent specimen- it had to be, if it was in the employ of the Ministry. The tawny owl ruffled its feathers proudly as it mingled amongst the more common owls that had also come to deliver the morning post. Most, no doubt, belonged to students and families, as the tawny owl was the only avian in the flock sporting the bright purple tag. The tawny soared down towards its goal: a mess of black hair seated at one of the long tables.

The letter swooped towards its quarry and was deposited into waiting hands, ripped open, unfolded, quickly scanned over a glass of cranberry juice-

James Potter felt as if he could never move again.

He would never have thought, had you asked him before that day, that one word- eight letters- could be so impossibly cruel and cold. _Perished._ James stared down at the word and wondered how it could mean what it meant whilst being so calm, so infuriatingly... indifferent.

He almost laughed in spite of it all; he sounded like Lily Evans.

"Prongs, are you alright? What's in the letter?"

James didn't reply at once. A whole, lost universe flashed through his mind; a whole life that would never be- a whole James that would now never be.

He unstuck his throat.

"Prongs?"

Two rapid heartbeats.

He removed his glasses, folded them and sat them down on the table so that he could place a shaking hand over his eyes.

"Prongs, you're scaring me." Sirius said around a mouthful of sausage and eggs- just at the same time as, in a nearby corridor, the curse was fired.

James breathed in, out. He replaced his glasses on his nose.

"Sorry, it's nothing. I'm fine." He lied, and got up to leave the table.

The Curse

The curse was fired after breakfast, at eight-fourty sharp on January 4th, 1979.

It was fired with direct and precise purpose, at a student who had done nothing to the perpetrator of the curse other than be born magical to a Muggle family.

It was fired at Sixth-year prefect Lily Evans, by the Slytherin Orestes Mulciber.

When we met Lily Evans before, she had no idea that roughly twenty-four hours later she would experience her first- but by no means her last- Unforgivable Curse. Lily Evans was particular in the regard that during her lifetime (in the loosest sense of the word) she would fall victim to all three of the Unforgivable Curses at least once, and on five occasions all together. This, the Cruciatus Curse, was the first.

Lily Evans screamed and crumpled as if she were an old bit of parchment tossed into a white-hot fire. Every inch of her was alive with unthinkable, unbearable agony; she danced on the edge of unconsciousness, flickering back and forth between black and searing white. _Let it end,_ thought Lily, and she barely remembered that just that morning the Marauders had been her biggest problem.

That Morning

When Lily descended the stairs to the Gryffindor common room, she had been accosted almost immediately by none other than Sirius Black. Sirius Black was obnoxiously good-looking, if you asked Lily (no one did), but that didn't in any way excuse the fact that he was perhaps the biggest prat ever to step out from under the Sorting Hat to join Gryffindor.

Well- second biggest. It was debatable, and indeed often debated.

It seemed a tricky thing to believe that Hogwarts had any girls that still clung to their sensibility and honour when such an embarrassing number had fallen prey to Sirius's many charms at one point or another. In fact, Lily did not know of many at all- besides herself, Marlene, and Vance- that had resisted thus far.

All this Lily had pondered in irritation as Black bounded to her side (with entirely too much energy for this early of an hour) and beamed. As much as Lily hated to admit it, it really did seem to be Sirius, rather than James, that led to most of the more vindictive pranks and steered the group firmly towards the path of knavery. James may have been a prat, a monster, a complete arse; but Sirius was heartless.

"What ho, Lily!" Sirius's smirk was audible in his voice. Lily turned into a tomato. Or something close enough, regardless, judging by the colour of her face. The previous year (before what she had dubbed in a stubbornly clichéd manner, "The Incident") she had passed through a Wodehouse phase of the most extreme (and according to her friends and acquaintances, of the most exasperating). Sirius, unfortunately, had never once let her live it down.

"Shut up, Sirius Black." Lily had said, before leaving the common room with her mind wallowing comfortably in the mires of its favourite subject- how utterly infuriating the Marauders were.

She had enjoyed an uneventful breakfast with Marlene, Howie, and Vance, then had bid her friends a cheery farewell, thinking of perhaps finishing off some homework in the common room. All as normal.

She left the Great Hall just as James Potter received the letter that changed everything.

Lily climbed the marble staircase and headed distractedly down a corridor she knew to be usually deserted, as she prized solitude for being good for thinking. This time, however, it wasn't deserted.

"What's a filthy little Mudblood doing down here?"

Lily froze, her insides melting into a puddle in the pit of her stomach.

_Mudblood._

She found herself snapping back. "None of your damn business, Mulciber." It was a mistake. She knew it as soon as she said it. Lily bit her lip and glanced up at the Slytherin, who smiled horribly.

"Bad idea, Evans." He mumbled, and Lily knew he was going for his wand from the telltale twitch of his arm. Her heartbeat pounded loud in her ears. She turned and started to walk, fast.

Not fast enough.

"_Crucio!"_ Lily felt the curse hit her in the back and screamed, collapsing against the wall. She could do nothing but lie there, feel nothing but the pain shooting through every part of her, think nothing but vague hopes that it would stop.

She had no idea how long she lay there.

It was curled up in a ball, crying, that James Potter found Lily Evans.

The letter was momentarily forgotten, dropped to the ground where it slowly uncurled, exposing a ministry seal and neat, uniform text.

James began to rush towards Lily, but then hesitated as he remembered that she hated him. But he took another look at her shaking form, at the strands of hair sticking to her tear-stained face, at the utter terror openly displayed in her eyes- and he knew something was terribly, terribly wrong.

"Lily!" He didn't even bother with last names, but busied himself trying to pick her up off the floor gently. "Lily- what happened?"

Wild-eyed, she stared at him and said nothing for a while, merely brushing stray hairs from her soaked face.

"Well-" James continued hastily. "You don't have to tell me if it's something personal. I mean, I've just had my own bad news today, and I-" He stopped as a prickling began in the corners of his eyes as he thought of the contents of the letter. "I don't even want to tell Sirius." Despite attempts to control his voice, it wavered and choked up just a little.

Perhaps Lily noticed this, or perhaps she needed comfort of her own. Either way, to James's complete surprise, she got unsteadily to her feet and wrapped her arms around him tightly. James clung back, breathing in the faint smell of lavender that lingered in her hair. It was comfortable, he noticed, even through the haze his brain had gone into and the quickened pace of his heart.

After a long while- _not long enough_, thought James dazedly- she pulled back and gave him a watery smile.

"Thanks, James." The sound of his first name in her voice made him start. He grinned back.

"Better now?"

"A little."

They stood in companionable silence for a while; then-

"Mulciber used the Cruciatus Curse on me."

James's grin fell off at once. Something inside of him felt cracked and dry.

"W- what?"

He suddenly remembered the letter.

"Mulciber used the Cruciatus Curse on me."

James couldn't think of any suitable reply. When he did speak, it was a stranger. What the stranger said made sense, however, so he followed along.

"We've got to tell Dumbledore."

Lily nodded, still trembling slightly. Her every nerve was on edge, waiting for Mulciber to return, as he surely would, and undoubtedly this time he would kill her.

Never before in her life had she been so scared.

A warm hand suddenly grasped her own clammy one- she followed the arm that attached to it up with her eyes. Something about the concern lining the face she found there calmed her, slowed her breathing and her heart. James reached down to pick up a piece of parchment that he had dropped, and didn't once let go of her hand.

"We've got to tell Dumbledore." Repeated the boy she had once hated. And Lily realised something.

She was glad he was there.

* * *

- BACKWARD

Winter was barely fading when Marlene McKinnon had a change of heart. There were two reasons for her change of heart- the first being the fact that she had woken up to terrible news of the death of the Prewett brothers. The second dealt with something entirely more complicated and entirely Marlene's burden to bear alone- making it utterly more difficult to endure.

The second reason was that she had finally come to terms with something that had happened... a while ago, now.

When she walked downstairs for the first time, her husband stared at her as if she'd just risen from the grave; which, essentially, she had. Nobody had seen her outside her bedroom for weeks.

"Marley- you- you're up!" Her husband almost knocked over his chair in his hurry to stand and embrace her.

She hugged him back.

"I'm joining the Order." Marlene said.

Her husband stared. "Marley, let's take things slow. Just- just think before you rush into things."

"I've had three weeks to think about this, Howard." Marlene snapped, sitting down and helping herself to a piece of toast. "I've had three weeks to think about what a bloody selfish coward I've been while Lily's out there doing... whatever she's doing. Marlene _bloody _McKinnon is not going to stand back any longer."

Howie smiled, glad to have his wife back.

Lily: out there doing...whatever she's doing.

Redemption was an odd word, Lily realised. It seems, at first, completely black and white. A person either redeems themselves, or they don't.

But when you _really_ think about it, it's so much more complicated than that. Redemption- specifically, the meaning of redemption- fluctuates as it leaps from person to person and circumstance to circumstance.

In the case of Lily Potter, there were two major redemptions surrounding her life. One lived to see and accept. The other, she did not.

"Redemption." She said to James Potter, as the two attempted to finish off their breakfast as quick as possible. He was used to this kind of thing by now, after knowing her for eighteen years and being married to her for nearly one now.

"What about redemption?" He said through a mouthful of muffin.

"Well," Lily began stubbornly, knowing full well that James didn't really understand this. "It's weird, isn't it? How some people redeem themselves and others never do?"

"Yeah, I suppose." James agreed, now busying himself with cleaning his glasses. Lily watched the glass mist over under his breath and then vanish as the fabric of his shirt passed over it and wiped it cleanly away.

"Do you ever think..." Lily began, thinking herself- very hard about one person in particular. "Do you think everyone can redeem themselves if they try?" It spilled from her mouth before she could stop it.

James looked up at her with something unreadable in his eyes. "Snape's gone too far, Lillers." He said shrewdly, guessing at once what was on her mind. He glared down at his mug of coffee, turning away from her with a sudden bitterness. "He's a Death Eater, and you don't just come back from being a Death Eater."

Lily persisted. She knew he was right, but admitting it meant giving up the last bit of hope she clung to. "There's never been honest proof that he's a Death Eater. He might not be- he might have gone another way since we graduated."

James let out a derisive laugh. "While we're at it, I'm sure _Bellatrix_ became a crup trainer instead of going evil. Someone like dear old second-cousin-however-many-fucking-times-removed _certainly_ went a different way."

"Look, you know perfectly well that Bellatrix is a Death Eater. She-"

"She _what_, Lily? She attacked and slandered Muggleborns at Hogwarts? She was _great_ chums with people we know for certain to be Death Eaters?" James scoffed, leaning back against the kitchen counter. "Because so was Snape, Lil. Only difference is, you're too blind to see it with him." He reached for the sugar and distractedly dumped a perhaps excessive amount into his coffee.

Lily shook with rage- but it was not, surprisingly, directed at James. It was directed at herself. At the way things had turned out. At redemption, the tricky bastard that had abandoned her old best friend. She glanced up at James, who stared down into his coffee mug as if he might be able to drown himself in the dark brown liquid within.

She saw something new.

She saw James, yes- stubborn, clever, quarrelsome, sarcastic, courageous, beautiful, _brilliant_ James; but she also saw redemption. He had come such a long way since hexing innocent students; worked so hard to save so many innocent lives- and this all was why she, Lily Potter, loved him more than anything.

"I'm so glad I have you." She whispered, just as a knocking started on the front door.

James stared at her oddly, then smiled. "I'm glad I have you too, Lily." They both ignored the knocking, but it stubbornly persisted.

"You don't understand, I- I love you more than _anything._" Lily struggled to find words that could encompass what she was feeling.

James's smile widened into a broad grin, and he set his mug down and kissed her. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way about someone."

"Someone?" Lily questioned, slipping her arms around his waist.

"Yeah, I'm in love with Sirius, didn't I mention it?" James joked, before his mouth became occupied with another activity that certainly wasn't talking.

"Lily, I know you can hear me!" Marlene shrieked, ignoring the pain in her fist as she pounded upon the door. "If you don't open this bloody door right now, I'll KNOCK IT DOWN!"

Now that she was finally up and about, she had endless energy. Marlene grinned in a way that could really only be described as evilly.

Inside, Lily and James jumped apart- well, James leaped away from the kitchen counter, where Lily was currently situated. Lily just banged her head against a cupboard.

"Was that...?" James began in wonder, as Lily rubbed the back of her head, eyes watering.

"But she hasn't been up in weeks. She barely even talks to _Howie_. Ah, that _hurts_."

"I'll kiss it better." James offered slyly, glancing back towards the door and wondering how much time they had before maybe-Marlene really did knock it down.

"Not now, James." Lily reprimanded sternly, although she looked just as disappointed as he felt. Or maybe that was because of the rapidly growing bruise on the back of her head.

"LILY I HONESTLY DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF YOU ARE GIVING BIRTH OR SHAGGING YOUR HUSBAND OR SOMETHING; YOU WILL HAVE TO COME TO THE DOOR STARKERS OR COVERED IN BABY, OR I _WILL_ BLOW IT IN."

"That's Marlene." James said in awe, and looking a little frightened. Marlene was not to be trifled with, despite what sweet appearances may suggest. "Definitely Marlene."

Lily hopped lightly down from the counter (still clutching her tender war wound) and scrambled to the door to pull it open. Neither of them had any particular desire to keep Marlene waiting for longer than she had been already.

And there she was. Her blonde hair had grown out quickly since they'd last seen her, and it was now arranged in a soft cloud-like frame around her face, approaching but not quite in the Muggle style of the day. Other than that, she was thinner, paler, with faint pink on her cheeks and a red nose from the cold- but she was Marlene. Lily's best friend, Marlene.

The two women let out twin squeals and hugged tightly, before Marlene pulled away and began to talk. "Lily," She began breathlessly, stepping into the warmth of the house and kicking off sludge-covered boots. "Lily, today I woke up and just decided- I just _realised_ how stupid I've been." She held up a hand as Lily made to protest, and busied herself untying her scarf from around her neck. "Hiding away like that... like the little shit I am." She made a face of disgust, then brightened. In just a few seconds, however, she began to look quite despondent. Lily laughed, realizing just how much she had missed Marlene's ever-shifting expressions. "I guess it was the news this morning- the Prewetts, did you hear?" One glance at their faces told her they had.

"We did." James spoke up. His mind was on the article they had read that morning, just before the whole "redemption" thing had come along.

"So, I guess that's why- why I've changed my mind. I'm joining the Order, Lily!" Marlene announced, round face filling with an immense smile. "Do you think they'll take me even after I've been such a prat?"

Lily- after a brief period of shocked silence- clapped and laughed, shaking her head at the sudden anxiety painted across her friend's face. "Of _course_ we will- won't we, James?"

"Yeah, you are Marlene _bloody_ McKinnon after all." James agreed. It was true- Marlene was a formidable witch, having been infamous at Hogwarts for her powerful hexes (and her willingness to use them).

"And what about Howie?" Lily pressed as Marlene allowed herself to be led to the sofa. "Is Howie joining up too?"

Marlene shrugged. "Well, you know Howard. He's very happy with that job of his... not likely he'll put that at risk. Have you got a cup of tea? Thanks, Lillian."

"Lily." Lily corrected automatically and half-heartedly. She was pretty sure that after eighteen years, Marlene knew perfectly well Lily wasn't short for Lillian and was just doing it to irritate her. Still, she jumped up to put the kettle on with a flick of her wand with a grin on her face. "And how's your own job going?" Last time they'd spoken to her, Marlene had been over the moon about a job she'd just taken- a reporter for a radical, rather controversial channel on the Wizarding Wireless Network.

"Nah, I quit." Marlene replied airily, putting her mismatched-woolen-socked feet up on their coffee table. "The people there were all complete arseholes, anyway. I'm thinking of going into crup-training next- after all this is over, of course."

James laughed. "You can work with Bellatrix, then." Lily shot him a glare from over in the kitchen and he swiftly changed the subject before Marlene had time to question what he had said. "You think this'll end someday?"

"Oh, yeah." Marlene seemed utterly convinced of the fact. "It'll end soon enough and we'll- I mean, you'll be able to tell your children about how we ended it." Her expression took on a look of great sadness for a split second, then it disappeared.

Lily smiled, walking back towards the sofa with a cup of tea in hand. "I hope so, Marley." She said, as she passed it into her friend's hand. It was then that she chanced to glance at the clock and almost screamed.

"James, we said we'd be there _twenty minutes ago._" She yelped, grabbing her coat and whirling around in search of shoes.

"Where?" Asked Marlene curiously.

"Finchley, it's the Order headquarters nowadays." James replied distractedly, watching his wife flutter about in a panic.

"Your parents' old place? Haven't been there in ages." In one gulp, Marlene downed her piping hot tea like a real champion and stood up. "Better get going then. If those anti-apparition charms are still around, there'll be a little bit of a walk for us."

"Us?" Lily teased, finally putting the right boots on the right feet.

"Yeah, I'm coming too." Marlene crossed her arms defiantly. "I'm always coming from now on. I've been lying around for so long being completely useless- think of it as my redemption."

Lily caught James's eye and they both grinned.

* * *

A/N: I'm havng one of these at the bottom too. So I really do like this chapter. Especially the first part. I'm sorry that the second's a little slow, but it's kind of important for the character building of Marlene and Howie, and also establishing the relationships between these two, Lily, and James. In case you didn't catch it something ~big~ happened in Marlene's life that caused her to go into hiding... all shall be revealed. Thanks ever so much for reading and reviewing, and also I love you.

tinkerty-tonk!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: so here we are again (it's always such a pleasure remember when I tried to kill you twice etc) and yes I just put a portal 2 reference in my authors note. So this chapter doesn't do a _whole_ lot in the way of moving the plot along, but important characters and the dynamics between them are introduced. IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY MAN. Thanks for reading please review have a nice day pip pip cheerio goodbye. Don't own Harry Potter etc.

* * *

_iii. of friends and friendships sorely tested; _

FORWARD –

We begin this part of the story with Mary MacDonald.

When Mary MacDonald found herself with friends, it was strange to think that this, the second-best thing that had happened to her (the first being finding out she was a witch) was a direct effect of the worst thing that had ever happened to her.

She'd been attacked with a Dark curse that still sent ice crawling down her spine thinking about it a year later. It was a curse of fear- a curse that injected your every thought and feeling with mind-numbing, disabling fear. If Lily hadn't come along when she had, Orestes Mulciber would have kept going with the curse for much, much longer.

Mary MacDonald had spent a week in the hospital wing following her attack, and every day the kindhearted prefect Lily Evans had come to visit her. They'd gotten along, being rather similar. Lily would always come with a curiousity from her day- a book, a funny leaf, or perhaps just a word she'd found interesting. And when Mary had been released, Lily had remained her friend and even invited her to sit with her small group of friends.

Now it was Mary's turn to repay the favour. It was curious, because the situation was almost exactly parallel to her own of a year ago. Mary wondered whether Lily had noticed that.

She jumped in fright as the doors to the Hospital Wing opened, letting out a James Potter that looked almost as anxious as she felt. Mary's heart plummeted. Was it really that bad? When he spotted Mary, his face softened.

"Here to see Lily, are you?" He asked, smiling. "She's fine- just a little bit shocked."

Mary nodded silently. She remembered being in Lily's place- "a little bit shocked" did not cover it.

James might have realised this, because he said, "Nobody should have to go through what she's gone through."

Mary gave him a faint smile, the first that had touched her lips since hearing the news about her best friend. "Thanks." She whispered, before hurrying past him towards Lily.

Lily sat up in her bed, red hair splayed out against the white sheets, looking entirely spent. When she saw Mary, her face brightened. "This is familiar, isn't it?" Lily said with a weak chuckle as Mary sat down near the foot of her bed. "Except the other way 'round."

Mary giggled appreciatively, glad that Lily was whole and healthy and that she, too, had noticed the similarities. "So- what was James Potter doing here, then?"

"He was just making sure I was alright." Lily said breezily, wriggling around a little under her blankets. "He was the one who found me and brought me here after- you know."

"Like you found me?" Mary asked, eyeing Lily carefully. She didn't seem to be exploding at the mention of her One True Enemy as she usually did. That was new.

Lily stiffened. "Yeah, a bit like that I suppose. I doubt he's going to come in and visit every day like I did."

(Just for the the record, he did. )

Mary shrugged good-naturedly and rummaged around in her bag, finally drawing out a jam jar. It was empty of the raspberry preserves it had once held, and stretched across the top was a cloth secured tightly with a rubber band. Several holes had been poked through the fabric. Inside the jar, a monarch butterfly fluttered lazily.

"I named her Fear." Mary said uncertainly, knowing how stupid this was going to sound to Lily. "And I- I thought we could let her go."

Something inside Lily seized up with love for the girl she had come to think of as her "little friend" and she felt tears threaten to throw a party in her eyes. Perhaps she was still weak and emotionally drained from what had happened to her, but she nearly leaped across her bed to wrap Mary in a strangling embrace. "That's beautiful, Mare. Of course we'll do that."

Mary smiled. She had known that if anyone would understand, it would be Lily.

She helped her friend slip out of the bed and onto her feet (Lily was still rather shaky), and the two of them made their steady way towards the balcony. When they got outside, Lily was shocked to find it was nighttime. She hadn't realised that so much time had gone by. The air was biting and cold- Lily held the jam jar tightly as goosebumps erupted all over her skin and Mary carefully rolled the rubber band off of the jar and removed the cloth.

The butterfly could sense freedom- it cautiously poked an antenna in the direction of liberty and took off suddenly. Lily and Mary let out quiet cheers as Fear floated away from their lives.

They stayed out there until it became too unbearably cold to stand.

oooooo

What James Potter and Sirius Black Decided

"Well, Mulciber's vanished before they could even expel him."

The news had shivered around the school before finally reaching the ears of Sirius Black. He threw himself heavily into one of the good chairs by the fire and sighed.

In the other chair sat James, who stared into the flames, ragged anger slowly mounting. "We can't let him get away with this." He said softly, miraculously controlling his voice. "He _can't_ get away with this." James realised that he was shaking with rage.

Sirius eyed him sharply, a brief doubt that this was perhaps mostly about that stupid girl his best mate had fancied for Merlin knows how long entering his mind. But Sirius knew James, and he knew his hatred for the Dark Arts. "I agree." He replied simply, quietly. They both knew what the other was thinking.

"We're going after Mulciber, aren't we?"

James nodded- there was no question about it. It was decided.

oooooo

An Introduction to Howard McKinnon and His Role in the Story

Howard McKinnon was in love with Lily Evans.

This was a fact that he kept very secret, very locked away in the back of his mind.

In fact, only two people knew about it at all, and these were Emmeline Vance and Marlene Codell. Howie had not intended for Marlene to know, nor was he aware that she knew.

But she knew.

She knew, and she hated it.

Unlike James Potter, Howard McKinnon never did make his affections known to Lily- not until he'd grown out of them.

But that is yet to come. At this point in the story, Howie was sprinting at full speed along a corridor, finally to arrive outside the hospital wing clutching several stitches and wheezing.

A day had passed since the attack, and Howie had just found out. That was why he was there.

James Potter came out of the hospital wing as Howie waited to catch his breath. The former had a little smile- a _smirk, _Howie rather thought- on his face and the latter froze as he thought more carefully about the situation. What in Merlin's name had _James Potter_ been doing in the Hospital Wing? Surely, he hadn't been visiting Lily. Lily would never allow him to visit her, would she? Howie glanced at James uncertainly as he was noticed for the first time.

"McKinnon." James said curtly.

"Potter." Howie and James had never gotten along. There was mutual dislike between them- specifically, this was for a multitude of reasons, but it all really boiled down to the same thing: Lily.

"Lily's in there." James flicked a thumb lazily in the direction of the hospital wing. Howie stiffened at his use of her first name.

"She'll be alright." James smiled- a little condescendingly- down at Howie. "Good thing I found her, yeah?"

Howie's hands curled into fists, and he searched furiously for any clever retort. None came. The part about _James Potter_ being the one to find her, he had not heard. "Yeah, thanks." He replied vaguely, and shoved past the taller boy, hurtling into the hospital wing.

Marlene was already at Lily's bedside, chattering happily about something that involved wringing a cloth (or more likely, a neck) judging by her hand motions. Howie felt a surge of irritation at the fact that he hadn't been the first to visit Lily. Shrugging this away, he stared at Lily eagerly. She was tired and pale, but she was whole and happy. Howie breathed a sigh of relief and approached her.

"Howie!" Lily said warmly, smiling that beautiful smile.

"Howard." Marlene said less warmly. Her smile was the opposite of a smile.

He disregarded this. For some reason, Marlene was always especially bitter towards him. Perhaps it was just Marlene being Marlene- she was bitter and resentful towards everybody that wasn't Lily (or little Mary on a good day)- but Howie remembered that before fourth year, Marlene had always been nice to him too. _Extremely _nice. He couldn't help but think that something had changed.

"I- I brought you some chocolate!" Howie said, reaching into the pocket of his robes for the gift. "And look! Mismatched socks!" He lifted up the bottom of his robes so that Lily (and Marlene) could see that his socks were, in fact, mismatched. Lily giggled and thanked him.

Marlene scowled so bitterly that Howie was actually frightened. "If you two are going to compare socks, then I may as well go and find Potter. At least he's a laugh."

Lily, not noticing that anything was amiss, gave Marlene a playful shove. "I'm not _wearing_ socks, stupid." She wiggled her toes, causing ripples in the sheet that stretched over them. "It made walking out to the balcony last night with Mary hell though. I stepped in bird poo on the way back in."

"Mary's been here already?" Howie asked, trying not to sound too dejected..

"Yeah, and so've Emmeline and Potter. _Potter's_ even been around multiple times. You're the last, Howard." Marlene replied bluntly.

Howie's heart plummeted into his stomach.

"Don't worry about it, Howie." Lily smiled, blissfully unaware of the crackling tension charging the air between her two friends. "James only came the second and third times to bring me some books. He thought I'd be bored." She indicated the book on her bedside table- _Right Ho, Jeeves_. She still felt a flare of happiness that he'd remembered it was her favourite book all the way back from her Wodehouse phase. "I can't imagine how he got them out of my dorm."

"Summoning charm, Lily. Honestly, sometimes you're more of a "right ho" than that book." Marlene said with a laugh, directing a scathing glance at Howie. Howie did not see it- his insides were boiling with rage. Why hadn't he thought of bringing books before stupid, _stupid_ Potter had?

"Is it true that he rescued you?" Howie blurted before he could stop himself.

A slight frown passed over Lily's face and she began to speak, but Marlene cut across her.

"He did, and he brought her up here and stayed with her until Pomfrey threw him out. Didn't he, Lillian?" Marlene gloated, watching Howie carefully.

"Lily." Lily corrected automatically.

Howie paled at her tone. Did Marlene _know?_ That was impossible. The only person he'd ever told was Vance, and she'd _never_ tell. Not in a million years would Vance tell _anyone_ his secret. Much less Marlene.

Lily, who thought Marlene was making fun of her, turned red. "He was just worried, that's all. Anyone with a heart would have-"

"She admitted he has a heart! Also she's started to call him James, did you hear?" Marlene sang over her voice. "And she said he's "not bad", didn't you, Lillian? Didn't you?"

Lily went even redder. "I didn't; I said he wasn't _all_ bad. He brought me a book instead of a stink flower, so he's not _all_ bad."

"Yes he is." Howie heard himself say. Both girls stared at him. The scowl was back on Marlene's face. "He's only doing it- all of this, I mean, to impress you."

Silence. Then-

"Bullshit." Snarled Marlene. "You didn't see- he- ask Marian, she'll tell you how properly, really _worried_ he was. And-" She looked hesitantly at Lily before plowing on. "He hasn't done a single prattish thing so far since getting back. The opposite. He saved Lillian! Actually, he's been fairly decent this whole year, hasn't he?"

"Something's happened." Lily said uncertainly. "When he found me he said he'd had bad news, or something, and he didn't even want to tell Sirius."

"Must be bad then." Marlene mused, a thoughtful frown now having conquered and staked its claim on her face.

"Yeah." Agreed Lily.

"Yeah." Mumbled Howie.

They sat in thoughtful silence for a while. And the whole time, Marlene only thought about the fact that Howie's socks didn't match.

oooooo

The Sad Tale of Peter Pettigrew's Tuesday Morning

While Howie had been exchanging hostile words with James outside the Hospital Wing, Peter Pettigrew had begun his morning on a bad foot.

Literally.

One foot had gotten tangled up in his sheets, causing him to stumble while getting out of bed. He'd landed hard on his other foot, and the result was that a dull ache accompanied the rest of the morning's problems.

When he'd gotten downstairs, Sirius was in a foul mood. Why was that?

Why That Was

Sirius tripped over Lily's cat.

"Stupid cat." He said, suddenly in a bad mood.

x x

Peter had then been on the receiving end of a cushion to the face

"Put some trousers on, Peter!" Sirius snapped, altogether too loud for Peter's liking. He looked down and turned red at the sight of his kneazle-covered pyjama bottoms. He'd remembered to tuck his shirt in, though. That was something.

He headed back upstairs to change; Lily's cat, who obviously liked to be tripped over, tripped him over.

Unlike Sirius, Peter did not manage to stay on his feet and he toppled over. He stood up, now nursing a bruise on his forehead. But there was the door to his dorm! Ah, wrong door. Peter smiled nervously at the terrified first years, who were still pulling on their first trouser legs.

Finally, after he had located the correct room and transitioned into the correct wear, he shuffled downstairs to walk down to breakfast with Sirius- but Sirius had mysteriously disappeared. Why was that?

Why That Was

"Hey, Sirius- walk down to breakfast with me?" Said Rhiannon Myers, a pretty seventh year.

"Alright." Said Sirius, suddenly in a better mood

x x

Peter shrugged and went down alone. James and Remus usually went down quite a while before them. He'd find them down at breakfast, undoubtedly. He shrugged again and headed out of the portrait hole. Once in the Great Hall, he couldn't locate _any_ of his friends at all.

So he sat next to a fifth year he didn't know.

"Hi." Peter said.

"Hi." Mary replied.

"Nice morning."

"It is."

Peter flushed and began loading his plate with eggs and bacon.

"I'm Peter."

"I know. Mary."

"I tripped over a cat this morning."

Mary giggled and cut off a bit of pancake. Peter had never seen anyone eat pancakes with a fork and knife before. He added baked beans and fresh strawberries to his plate, then mixed thoroughly.

Mary finished eating in silence and then stood up awkwardly.

"Well," She said. "Better get going."

"Yeah." Said Peter.

She left. Peter let out a sigh of relief as soon as she was out of sight. Thank goodness _that_ was over.

oooooo

Back to Lily and James (because that's why we're all here anyway)

Lily was released on Wednesday afternoon. She wore clothes that Marlene had dropped off before rushing away to Charms, and the prefect was starting to regret letting Marlene pick her clothes.

Mostly because the shirt (a trendy affair with rips in all the trendiest places) proclaimed in large, blocky letters: "FUCK THIS SHIT"

Lily had thankfully had the resourcefulness and ability to charm it to say "DUCK THIS FLIT". It wasn't much better, but at least she wasn't setting a completely rubbish example as a prefect. She'd also had to magically sew together some of the more daring rips, and then it was wearable.

She thanked Madam Pomfrey, allowing the young nurse to give her one more check before departing cheerily. Freedom was a wonderful feeling, and Lily reveled in it as she wandered towards the common room, ignoring the stares of passerby.

It was then that she ran into James Potter. Lily barely had time to register how absurdly _stupid_ that was, that out of all the people in this world she had to bump into James Potter, before he was talking.

"Lily! You're out! I was just going to bring you this-" He waved a book around in the air. Lily recognised it in surprise: Watership Down. That had been her _favourite_ book as a kid. It had always been what she had read when she was feeling sick or in need of cheering up. She had her own copy, significantly more battered and dog-eared, at the very bottom of her trunk, and- "But I suppose there's no need anymore, is there?" He shrugged and handed her the book. Lily took it, running her fingers over Fiver and Hazel on the cover.

"Nice shirt." He said after a while. Lily blushed to the roots of her hair.

"It's Marlene's. I... made a few alterations, though."

"It didn't always say 'duck this flit'?"

Lily laughed. It sounded strange coming after something James said. "Unfortunately, no." She glanced once again at her book. "James... how did you- how did you know about this book? That I read it when I'm upset?" God- that sounded idiotic.

"Well, I saw you reading it once, and, er, it was right after... you know; the incident. I almost didn't bring it because- but well, I thought, duck that flit."

Despite being reminded of the Incident (_incidentally,_ he had also called it the incident!) Lily couldn't help but burst into uncontrollable laughter right there and then.

"Thank you so much, James." She said, once she had calmed down enough to form sentences. "Thank you for everything." And without knowing quite what she was doing, she planted a small kiss on his cheek.

* * *

- BACKWARD

We do not begin _this_ part of the story with Mary, nor do we begin it with any character that has been introduced thus far in our story.

We begin this part of the story with Petunia Dursley.

Petunia was average. She was fairly nice-looking, but plain, and fond of wearing a little more makeup than was necessary. She didn't shop at cheap stores, but neither did she shop at overly expensive ones. Her favourite colour was pink. She was, in all respects, perfectly ordinary. Or she would have been, if she hadn't been the sister of Lily Evans.

Petunia had always done things before Lily. She had lost her first tooth before Lily, gone to school before Lily, had her first kiss and bought her first bra before Lily, gotten married before Lily. Hell, she'd been _born_ before Lily.

Lily had always followed in Petunia's footsteps, even if _was_ a magical... freak. Well, no longer. It was time for the Evans sisters to go their separate ways.

v v v

_Lily,_

_I am writing to inform you that from this moment on, I don't know you. You are no longer considered my sister._

_This will be the last you hear from me._

_Don't write back._

_Petunia Dursley_

_v v v_

And Lily cried.

Granted, she'd been crying a hell of a lot recently. Who could blame her? She'd lost both her parents.

And now her sister.

Lily Potter had no family left.

She twisted the letter (written on neat, pompous stationery) around and around in her hands, and twisted the words around and around in her head. But no matter her twisting, they meant the same. Her own sister had abandoned her. She was alone.

But Lily understood. She despised it, but she understood. It was, after all, _her_ fault that her parents had died. If Lily hadn't been born, then maybe-

"Stop." James advised.

"Stop what?" Lily sniffled into her blanket.

"Stop beating yourself up."

"I'm not."

"Yeah, right." James pulled her towards him comfortingly. "Ever since it happened you've been blaming yourself."

"Don't try and make me feel better, James." Lily mumbled to his shoulder. "I suppose fate just hates me. You can't make me feel better."

"'Rabbits need dignity'," James quoted. "'And above all the will to accept their fate'."

Lily, miraculously, managed a small smile. Of course he would quote Watership Down at a time like this. "Okay, maybe you can make me feel a little better."

"It's what I'm here for."

Maybe Lily wasn't completely alone after all.

Petunia pressed her eye against the peephole of her door and froze.

"I know you're in there, Dursley!" Snapped James Potter. "Come out, or I swear to Merlin I won't be afraid to use mag-"

Petunia opened the door hastily. "Vernon's out." She said. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here to talk to you." James said, and Petunia realised with a sinking feeling what it must be about. He looked furious. She nervously eyed the wand stuck casually in his back pocket.

"Come in, then." She said grudgingly, opening the door wider to let him through. He stepped through and she closed the door carefully, before leading him to the sitting room. He took a seat, uninvited. Petunia thanked the heavens that Vernon wasn't around to see _that_.

"Do you realise," He began, as Petunia continued to stand awkwardly in the doorway. "What you're doing to Lily? You're all she has left."

"She has you and all her little... magical friends." Petunia replied, shaking her head frantically.

"You're the only family she has left."

"It's her own bloody fault."

James stood angrily. "You can't honestly- what kind of a person thinks that of their own sister? Honestly, woman, I thought you weren't as bad as your arse of a husband-"

"Don't." Petunia said in a small voice.

James took a deep breath and sat down. "Sorry. It's just- she's really beaten up by this. It's killing her, it really is. Please- if you have a heart..." James's hands clenched into fists. "I'm begging you, Petunia Evans, forgive her. You've got to."

"I haven't got to do anything." Petunia muttered. "And it's Dursley, now."

"Petunia Evans." James repeated. "Lily used to tell me lots about you. She looked up to you, you know. Her whole life."

"I-"

"Don't even make excuses, Mrs. Dursley. I can see this is a lost cause. Really, I thought you were decent enough to forgive your own sister." James rose and pushed past her towards the door. "Good luck with your life, Petunia." He pulled open the door.

"W- Wait!" Petunia grabbed his sleeve and he stopped. "Alright- I'll write her. I will."

James regarded her with an odd expression and embraced her quickly. "Thank you." He said, and disapparated on her doorstep.

v v v

_Dear Lily,_

_You're forgiven._

_Your sister,_

_Petunia._

_v v v_

And Lily smiled.

She knew Petunia didn't want a response, nor did the youngest Evans have one. But for now, forgiveness was enough.

Lily breathed in and then out, and headed to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. But when she entered the kitchen, there was a cup already waiting for her. Next to it was a folded note-card, which she picked up and opened curiously.

_Lily-_

"_To come to the end of a time of anxiety and fear! To feel the cloud that hung over us lift and disperse - that cloud that dulled the heart and made happiness no more than a memory! This at least is one joy that must have been known by almost every living creature."_

_Feel better._

_-James_

And Lily could barely remember a time when she'd _been_ better.

* * *

A/N: short chapter this time, especially the second part. I quite enjoyed writing it though, since it has a lot of Lily/James scene and is starting on the Howie/Marlene plot I have built up. Please review and tell me what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: hi! So there was a bit of drama involving this story, probably nobody heard and that's alright. We were both at fault so I think we'd like to put that behind us. Don't ask me about it because I'll just tell you something stupid. So onwards we go. This chapter explains the whole socks thing... partly. Don't own no Harry Potterz.

* * *

_iv. socks and interrogation;_

FORWARD -

The Importance of Mismatched Socks

(part one)

For Lily, wearing odd socks on that particular day had won her a new and wonderful friendship.

For Howie, not looking carefully as he selected his socks from the bottom of his trunk that particular morning had set him on the path to falling in love.

For Marlene, the fact that Lily and Howie had both worn mismatched socks on that particular day had tormented her on an almost daily basis.

It happened like this:

_Charms, first year- Howie's robes had been a bit too short for him, and his socks were peeking out shyly. One was red, one a fabulously bright orange._

_Lily had tapped him on the shoulder, almost bursting with the giggles she had stored up inside her. "Your socks don't match." She had said as the giggles spilled out._

_Howie had gone bright pink in embarrassment. "No- I only- I was in a hurry this morning." He mumbled, cursing his own foolishness. "I didn't realise... sorry."_

_But Lily had only smiled and pulled up her robes to display her own socks: one pink, the other patterned with little flowers. "Mine don't match either."_

And from that moment on, as Lily would say; they were friends.

From that moment on, as Howie would say; he began to fall in love with Lily Evans.

From that moment on, Marlene never did say; everything was a bloody mess.

oooooooo

Not-so-Innocent Interrogation of the Not-so-Innocent

A flick of a wrist, a muttered word, and Damocles Avery dangled upside-down by his ankle. He had not been expecting the attack, and shock was plastered on his face as he revolved slowly in mid-air to face his attacker.

"What the hell are you doing, Potter?" Spittle flew out of his mouth and dribbled downwards to his nostrils. His eyes leapt to his wand- it had fallen from his hand and rolled away with a clatter.

This did not go unnoticed- Sirius Black marched across the room and picked up the wand. With a well-aimed toss, the Gryffindor lobbed it out of the window. "Looks like it fell into some thorn bushes down there. Shouldn't be too hard to dig it out, mind. A bit painful, maybe."

Avery's eyes bulged as Sirius let out a bark of cruel laughter.

James wasn't laughing. Instead, he advanced, keeping a burning gaze on Avery the whole time. The Slytherin blanched. This, somehow, wasn't like the usual. He'd been picked on by the Marauders countless times, as had his friends, but it was never like this. Avery had never seen James so utterly furious. James's was a quiet fury, not an explosive one like that of Sirius Black. When James was angry, something in his eyes went dead.

And Damocles Avery found it terrifying.

"_W- what do you want?"_

_BANG! _A Scorching Charm slammed against the side of his face and his eyes watered in pain.

"Where is he?"

Even Sirius hesitated as he glanced at James, which told Avery that he wasn't imagining it. He wasn't imagining it- something was off.

"Wh-who?" Avery's mouth had gone dry; tears collected in the corners of his eyes. "I- I don't know what you're talking-"

"James-" Sirius began, alarmed.

James ignored him. "Your Death Eater friend." He snarled into Avery's ear. "Where's Mulciber? Where's he hiding?"

Heat and cold rushed over Avery in turn. He knew where Mulciber was, of course he knew. And James Potter and Sirius Black knew he knew.

"I don't know!" He cried. Too quickly.

"Liar." James flicked his wand and a surge of paralyzing dizziness passed through the Slytherin. The Vertigo Jinx. All the spells James used were intended to be harmless jinxes, but somehow... he had a talent for making them terrible to fall victim to. "I know you know where he is."

Avery found an iota of courage somewhere and it ran away with his mouth. "Is this about that _Mudblood,_ Potter?" He could barely manage to whisper, but James Potter heard every word.

"Using that word in front of me was a mistake."

And Avery was slammed against the wall with great force. He felt a bone in his arm break.

"_Tell me where he is, you piece of shit."_

"Prongs, what the hell are you doing?" Sirius shouted, alarmed.

"Hogsmeade-" Avery choked between huge gulps of air. "Farraday's-"

One more wave of James's wand, and Avery blacked out.

When he woke up, somebody had at least had the decency to fix his arm.

x x x

"That was a bit out-of-order, mate." Sirius said sharply, as James collapsed onto his bed.

"Funny, that's coming from you." James snarled into his pillow.

Sirius stared, then shrugged and turned to his own bed. "Fair enough." He left the matter there and didn't move to stop him when he heard James leave the dormitory much later.

x x x

It was so cold that the tears almost froze to his face.

He stood alone on the stone bridge spanning the gap between two turrets, clutching a half-empty bottle of firewhisky. Every few seconds he'd take a small gulp of the beverage.

Rarely, if ever, did James Potter cry.

His shoulders shook violently as he lowered himself down to sit with his back against the railing of the bridge. More tears made their way down to join the icicles forming on his jaw.

It was so cold that James Potter wondered if it would snow. The sky above him was clear of clouds, making the chances of that slim.

One in a million, he thought.

One in a million chance he'd ever again see what he wanted to see most.

He smashed the bottle violently against the wall. Shards of brown-tinted glass exploded in every direction, some tumbling off the bridge into the darkness underneath.

A scream built up inside of him, but the breaking of the glass reminded him of Avery, of his bones shattering as he hit the wall with a sick crunch-

"Potter?"

James twisted around quickly. Of course it was her. Of all the people, what were the chances?

One in a million, he thought.

Maybe it _would_ snow tonight.

Maybe he'd see-

"What are you doing out here?"

The sound of her footsteps drew nearer. No doubt she could see the bits of glass strewn around, the liquid that had pooled in the cracks on the floor. No doubt, if she drew much closer, she'd be able to see the icicles on his face. James groaned and let his head fall into his hands.

"Have you been drinking?" Disapproval bit into her voice.

"Yeah." Replied James sullenly, looking up at her.

And that was his fatal mistake. She was beautiful, with her round, lightly freckled face and small perfect lips. This all made him forget that now that she was mere inches from him, she could see his face in detail too.

Her eyes widened as they fell on the shining tracks that cut through the unkempt stubble (shaving, of course, had not been a priority as of late)

"Er- ah." She gulped, obviously searching for something to say. "You alright?"

"No."

"Right." She allowed herself to drift uncomfortably into silence, and sat down next to him. He did not want her to.

"Do you think it will snow?" She asked, bringing her knees to her chest and looking upwards.

"One in a million chance of that." He answered, and she looked at him oddly.

"Don't you ever think that the less likely something seems to be, the more likely it really is?" Lily said vaguely. "Just have to believe."

"I'm done believing." James blurted, his voice shaking a fraction. "There's nothing to believe in."

She regarded him with a small smile. "I don't know about that, Potter."

"Oh, yeah?"

"I believe Gryffindor's going to obliterate Hufflepuff next game, for one thing."

James felt the corners of his mouth turn upwards and wondered how that had happened. "You know, pretty sure I believe that too."

"Gingerbread man?" She held one up, seemingly having procured it from thin air. "My mum sent them."

"Thanks." He took it curiously. "Doesn't it move? How can it be a Gingerbread Man if it doesn't move?"

Lily goggled at him, then laughed. "Muggleborn, remember? Wizards eat them _alive_? That seems rather cruel."

"It's not _alive_. Just moving around a bit, you know. Squirming." James bit off a leg. "If yours don't move, don't you have the story? Run, run, as fast-"

"-as you can, can't catch me I'm the Gingerbread Man? It's just a fairytale for us."

"I was going to say 'fast as a lizard, can't catch me I'm the Gingerbread Wizard.'" He shook his head in bewilderment. "Muggles."

"But that's completely ridiculous!" She scoffed in outrage, and he laughed.

She laughed too, and it dissolved into companionable silence that stretched for a while.

"Well," She said, after a time. "If I stay out here much longer, I'm going to freeze. So I'm going in. Good night, James."

"Night." He replied, watching her walk away.

It started to snow.

One in a million, he thought.

* * *

- BACKWARDS

The Death Eaters followed them from the ruins of a burning pizza place to the small, cluttered house in Cokeworth.

"Mum, hi." Lily had said breathlessly as the door opened, trying not to think too hard about where she'd just been.

"Scrape that snow off your boots, I won't have it all over the carpet." Rosalind Evans said in answer as she shooed an old and grumpy cat up the stairs. "You too, James."

"Hello to you too, Rosalind." James replied dryly, but dutifully scraping the snow off of his boots before entering the house.

She gave him a grudging smile and ushered them inside, closing the door behind them.

"Tuney here?" Asked Lily, not quite sure what she wanted the answer to be.

"No, she's just left yesterday. You just missed her."

"_What _a pity." James muttered under his breath, earning him a punch on the arm from his wife.

They followed Lily's mother into the familiar, cramped sitting room- it was made to appear even more cramped by the hundreds of old books piling high in precarious stacks- and they all took a seat on the closest available surfaces.

"Unexpected, this is." Rosalind remarked as she fumbled around for the switch of a nearby lamp. "Is everything alright?"

Lily and James exchanged a glance. Everything was far from alright- the war, the countless innocents who were suffering, Marlene hiding away from the world- but there was no need to let Rosalind Evans know of all this.

"Just saw on the telly-" She was chattering on. "Those rioters burned down a Pizza Pagoda up in Birmingham… that didn't have anything to do with-" She lowered her voice, glancing around worriedly. "-wizards, now, did it?"

"No, I don't think so." Lily lied. She could feel, rather than see, James glance at her sharply. "Everything's fine, mum. We just thought we'd stop by."

The lines in her face softened. "Alright, well, it was very nice of you to do so. It does get a bit lonely with both of my daughters gone off, Lord knows where." Here, Lily felt James shift around guiltily and she grinned. "Your dad'll be down in a minute, so I'll go put the kettle on, shall I?" She stood up wearily and bustled off into the kitchen.

Moments later, as she had predicted, into the sitting room came a small, mousy man with only a few remaining strands of greying hair clinging to his head. His face brightened as he caught sight of Lily. "Lily! And James! What brings you around here again?"

"Nothing in particular, Dad." Lily replied, getting to her feet to hug him.

"Couldn't stand being away from your old dad too long, eh?" He joked, and she relaxed.

This house, these parents were her childhood. And Death Eaters didn't exist in her childhood.

It was so much easier, really, to push your fears away.

She sat down again, fighting to keep a carefree smile on her face. Fear couldn't be pushed away- it always came back. The hardest thing was facing it with dignity.

"So how's life in- er- was it _Goblin's_ Hollow?" Her dad asked. He never really _had_ gotten used to the fact that Lily's world was completely different from his own.

"Godric's." James corrected with a smile. "And it's been quite nice, hasn't it, Lily? A bit dull, but we could do without any excitement."

Lily nodded in vague agreement.

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" They heard her mum yell from the kitchen. She hurried past towards the front door.

"Good; I wasn't going to stand up anyway." Her dad mumbled.

Lily only heard the door opening and a small yelp from the hall before she knew something was wrong.

And then it all exploded.

Fire, fire like the one that had ravaged the pizza place earlier now tore hungrily at the walls of her childhood home. She saw the flashes of green light- two, one after the other- and a scream tore past her lips. She wasn't sure who had been killed, but she could plainly see the second of the two bodies falling across the first, both bathed in the glow cast by the flames. And she saw the Death Eaters- tall, masked, dark; they had never been so utterly frightening before.

Lily screamed and screamed until her throat felt as though it had been ripped out. The moments dragged by so slowly, yet time rushed past her in a blur of confusion…

Someone grabbed her arm and turned her around. She knew the body, knew the person it belonged to. James. James was alive. For a second, that sustained her, but then she realised what it meant. It meant her parents-

The feeling of side-along apparition took over her senses, and before she knew it she stood with James, outside of their home. A small breeze picked up somewhere by their feet.

It was eerily quiet after the chaos they had left behind. The glow of the streetlamps glinted off the snow around them, but it was nothing like the hungry, devouring flames that were now consuming her parents' home.

And it hit her.

_Mum and Dad._ Rosalind and Graham Evans. Her home in Cokeworth- the room she'd shared with Petunia, one half covered in posters of assorted pop stars and actors, the other still exactly as it had been decorated by an eleven-year-old Lily… her Barbies were still lined up in the corner…

_Mum and Dad._

A sob escaped her, and she stumbled into James.

"Oh my god…" She whispered into his neck. "Oh my god."

Her eyes would not close- she knew that if they did close, she'd only relive the horror over and over again, see the destruction of her childhood on an endless loop.

Instead, she stared out into the darkness, wide-eyed, unblinking, trying to focus on the powdered snow shifting around in the wind. It blew towards them and clung to their clothes and hair.

"Lily," James said gently.

"James." She replied, making an attempt to keep her voice calm. "Let's go inside."

They did, the process taking longer than usual as Lily kept fumbling with the lock.

It was so much easier, she thought, to push regret away.

Having left their shoes by the door of her parents' house, the snow had completely soaked through their socks and frozen their feet. Lily kept her mind on this, on the cold ache of her skin.

_No,_ she would tell herself whenever the thought pushed, like an air-filled bubble, to the surface of her thoughts. _No, no, no, no._

James entered her field of vision and the sight of him made her feel a fraction better. Whatever else she was doing, she knew it would be a mistake to push him away now as well.

She wasn't one for repeating the mistakes of others.

Lily took a deep breath and sat down, peeling her sodden socks away from her feet. A warmth charm and a quick dry charm later, she could barely remember the cold.

The physical one, at least.

There was one last thing to do, she realised, before pushing it all away completely.

She had to write to Petunia.

"I have to write to Petunia." She said, her voice oddly calm.

James nodded silently and pushed a piece of paper and quill towards her.

"Ink?" She prompted.

He pushed that towards her too.

Lily dipped the quill in the inkwell and began to write. She was amazed at how easily it all flowed out- she had no hesitations, no pauses as she scratched out the terrible news for her sister. It was only when the parchment became dotted with tears that she realised that she was finally crying.

So much for pushing it away.

She signed the letter with a shaking hand and sat back, taking a deep gulp of air. "That helped."

James reached over and squeezed her hand comfortingly. "I'll understand if you want to be alone, Lily."

"No! No- I mean, I don't want to." She wiped at her eyes and gave him a shaky smile. "Be alone, that is. Stay with me, please?"

Regret couldn't be pushed away, after all- it always came back. But Lily was wise to the fact that she couldn't face it alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **once again, hello! This is chapter 5, obvs. I realise Remus hasn't really been in this story yet, but he will be, don't worry. Thanks all for your kind words, I love you. Reviews are lovely. You are lovely.

* * *

_v. a shot in the dark; christmas pudding_

FORWARD-

As things seemingly began to fall back into the normal order for Lily, they spiraled into chaos for James.

They were back to calling each other "Evans" and "Potter".

He didn't sleep at night. Instead, he fell into a routine of self-imposed training- every night, week upon week. He'd come back wild-eyed and covered in sweat, but only Sirius was awake to see him.

During class, though, he was tired and irritable. It was a sharp contrast to how he'd been before- energetic, if you asked Lily (no one did. It was unwise, as a general rule, to ask Lily about James Potter), but an utterly obnoxious kind of energetic that wore you out just by being in the same room. As she stared across the room at him, head sunk into his arms so that only the back of his dark and unkempt head was visible, she had the uneasy feeling that she did not like this new, _quiet_ James Potter much more than the old one.

In fact, she did not like it at all.

"Something's wrong with him, he's been like that the whole time." She hissed to Marlene in Transfiguration as her friend contemplated her new, bright blue eyelashes in the small hand mirror they'd been given. Marlene glanced up and spotter Oliver Stebbins' face loom up in front of them, his skin a lurid green.

"Who, Stebbins? He's just an idiot, we all know that."

"Not Stebbins," Lily said impatiently. "I was talking about P-" She closed her mouth when she realised that continuing would, in all respects, be admitting to having stared at James Potter the entire lesson. Marlene seemed too concerned by her eyelashes to question further, thankfully.

"Who, Evans?" Sirius, who sat in the desk in front of her, swiveled around with surprising speed and a strange expression- looking suspiciously like the spawn of Satan, if you asked Lily (nobody asks Lily anything about the Marauders). "Something's wrong with who?" Lily glared at him and didn't offer any reply other than a dismissive shrug.

"Evans, enough with the games and just _answer_." Sirius snapped, shooting a glare in return.

"Er-" Lily was at a loss for words.

Sirius's tone at last got Marlene's attention, and she looked up in mild surprise. "What's your problem, Black?"

"None of your business."

"It is if you're bullshitting at _my_ mate."

"Shut your mouth before I do it for you, Codell."

"Are you threatening me, Black?"

"Yeah, I am actu-"

"Potter! I was talking about _POTTER_!" Lily screeched desperately as they both began to rise from their seats, chair legs scraping noisily on the floor. Not noisily enough, unfortunately, to even begin to drown out Lily.

The classroom went quiet, save for a few nervous giggles from those who simply couldn't contain them. James raised his head at the sound of his name, glaring as the multitude of eyes swept in his direction. "Don't look at me," He snapped. "Not my fault if Evans is gossiping about me- or spilling my _personal business _to everyone_._"

It was clear to Lily that he thought she'd blabbed about what had happened last night. Instead of trying to correct him, she felt the heat rise in her face, her insides squirming with anger that he thought she'd do such a thing. "Don't be a prat, Potter. I-"

"Enough!" McGonagall's sharp tone cut through Lily's anger and reduced it to shame. "To be quite plain, I expect better of you, Ms. Evans. You and Mr. Potter will serve detention tomorrow night, no excuses. Do I make myself clear?"

"But-" Began James in outrage, only to fall into grudging silence as McGonagall shot him a stern glance.

Lily only nodded, feeling her stomach drop, slowly and painfully, down to her feet.

x x x

"What the hell was that?" Said Sirius and Marlene at the same time, but on opposite sides of the courtyard and to different people.

Both Lily and James hesitated before replying, but what they each said next was very different.

What Lily Said

"I- don't know." Lily said, feeling as though something inside her was knotted up unpleasantly, making it hard for her to form words. "I think he thinks I've gone and said something I shouldn't've, and I _didn't_. But he's not exactly going to listen to me after that, is he? In fact, it's likely he hates me now." A bubble of laughter escaped unbidden from her lips at the thought. Never had she thought the tables would turn like this.

Marlene snorted, glancing at her friend in utter disbelief. "Believe me, Lillian, whatever that twat feels towards you, it isn't hate."

"I really don't care _what_ he feels." Lily said.

It was a lie.

What James Said

"Evans blabbing my secrets to everyone, that's what it was- to Marlene Codell, for Merlin's sake." James snarled. "What exactly did she even tell you?"

"Codell _is_ an unfeeling bitch, isn't she?" Sirius agreed, quite obviously eager to pursue this subject. "If that girl has ever felt anything nice towards _anyone_, I'll snog Peter."

James rolled his eyes but couldn't help a small smile. Seconds later, though, he soured again. "What did Evans say about me, Padfoot?"

"Er- not much. Something about you being "like that" the whole lesson." Sirius gave a shrug. "To be fair, you've been a bit out of it. She was just worried- hey-" A realisation struck him and he grinned "-do you realise, this means Evans was staring at you the _whole time._"

"She didn't say anything else?" James's bag dropped to the ground with a thump. "At all?"

"No, because then Codell-"

"Oh, _fuck._" James groaned.

x x x

"Look, Evans-" He said in Defense Against the Dark Arts, where they sat next to each other.

"I don't want your accusations right now."

"No, that's not it- I… I'm sorry, a'right?" He mumbled as he slammed his bag down on his desk.

"No, it's not a'right." Lily began heatedly.

"This thing again, Evans? Honestly?"

"What thing?"

"The whole thing where you get all offended and righteous, and you- you refuse to listen as people try to apologise." He snapped, feeling worse than before. "I made a mistake, OK? I'm apologising. Take it or leave it, it's all the same to me-" It was a lie. "-but don't patronise me. Please."

Lily stared at him. "Do I really do that?" She whispered as Professor Whitchurch flounced into the room.

He shot a glance at the mortified expression on her face. "A bit, yeah." He cracked a tired grin. "Can't we stop this rubbish for once, Evans? Get along?"

She smiled uncertainly back. The truth was, she didn't have a clue what she was getting into- but she _was _sick and tired of this, and he wasn't being as terribly unpleasant as he had been once. "Yeah, OK." She replied at last. "Let's give it a try."

x x x

James Potter may have not done what he did were it not for Wilkes, Lestrange, and- worst of all- Snape.

The fact that he and Lily Evans were attempting total civility (a step up, at least, from his previous position in her esteem) had almost made him stop and consider his half-crazed plans.

Almost.

But they were kicked into action again by Wilkes, Lestrange, and Snape.

"You can stop there, Potter." Wilkes, who resembled a sloth and was twice as slow, stepped forward to block his path.

"No, I can't." James tried to evade him, but pulled up short as he noticed Rabastan Lestrange and Snape, of all people, lurking behind. "Three on one, is it? Classy." He let out a snort of contempt.

"It wasn't so bad when it was two of you attacking Avery." Lestrange put in snidely. James made a face. As much as he hated to admit it, Lestrange had a point.

"Git deserved it."

A shower of red entered James's vision as his cheek was sliced open by Snape's curse, and he reached for his wand automatically, all the old anger flooding back into his system. His face throbbed where it had been cut open, and he could feel the warm liquid pouring in a steady trickle down his chin onto his robes.

"Did you hear, Snivellus?" He shouted, blocking the next spell with a flick of his wand. "I think Lily likes me more than she likes you now! We're friends!" It was a dirty tactic, badly-thought-out and wildly executed, but it did the trick. The flicker of uncertainty that gave Snape pause was enough for James to hit him with a powerful explosion that threw him back, arcing spectacularly, to smack against a wall, bouncing off and tumbling down several flights of stairs.

Wilkes and Lestrange stopped and glanced nervously in the direction Snape had flown.

"Sorry, did you want some of that as well?" James snarled, the blood pounding loud in his ears and head buzzing with pain. He wasn't done, not by a long shot, but Wilkes and Lestrange scurried away from him, down the stairs, before he could do anything else.

Slowly, the blind fury ebbed, and into the gap it had left rushed cold determination.

His cheek stung.

_He had to act now, before it was too late._

x x x

"Sirius, we're doing it tonight."

"'It'?" Sirius echoed, raising an eyebrow.

"Mulciber, you prat."

"We're doing Mulciber? No thanks, mate- I've just showered."

"Shut up."

x x x

They made an odd pair, silhouetted black against the white snow. They'd opted to go in animal form, if only because it was faster. And since only Remus and Peter knew of their being Animagi, it was less likely for them to be caught. The huge black dog loped steadily at the heels of the stag, and together they raced away from the Shrieking Shack and down into the village.

Farraday's was an obscure establishment, tucked away in the shadows between Dervish and Banges and Zonko's. Sometimes, Farraday himself stared out from beyond the grimy window, beady eyes narrowed suspiciously at passerby. Students, as a rule, did not venture inside- it contained only old, dusty (and more often than not, cursed with some nasty old spell) antiquities which had no particular use. It was therefore, James thought, the perfect hideaway if one didn't want to be discovered.

They slipped silently around the back, morphing back into humans as they flitted out of sight of the main street. As they passed a neglected crowd of bins, James spotted something that made him freeze- an arm, dangling almost carelessly out of a pile of overflowing bags of rubbish that had obviously not been able to squeeze into any of the bins.

"Sirius," He managed to croak, pointing at the arm, only visible because of the contrast between white, bloodless flesh and black plastic bag. Sirius halted and turned around slowly- not seeing, at first, what it was James was pointing at.

"What is it?" He hissed. "What's there? Do you-" He stopped. "_Shit."_

"Yeah."

"Should we- should we pull him out?" Sirius mumbled through suddenly dry lips.

James nodded, and together they began to lift the bags that had been placed (now, they realised, with great care) so that the body within was almost completely concealed. Finally, dirty robes of what had once been a pattern of checkers came into view, pulled messily about a vague outline of a man. The cloth had slipped off his head, revealing the sunken and wizened face. Farraday himself, as he'd thought.

"We can't deal with this now!" Sirius hissed. "We'll come back when we're done." James nodded in hazy agreement. He, like Sirius, wanted to get this over with. He wanted it finished quickly; but- unlike Sirius- he craved a sense of finality, of closure, that only this grim task would give him. Such was revenge, James supposed. A wand for a wand. He'd set the scales even.

They crept towards the back door, and Sirius slid his lock-opening knife into the door. The shop was bathed in a stuffy silence, but a chill of abandonment hung in the air, thin and barely there, like the cobwebs that dangled from the low ceiling. They had reasoned that Mulciber would not have thought to put any form of security on his hiding place. They were almost correct. _Mulciber _had not put any form of security. There was one small security measure still in place, left over from the time when Farraday had been alive. If they had been more careful, it wouldn't even have been a problem.

"Look at this, Ja-"

Three things happened at once- the first was that Sirius picked up a squat, ugly goblin statue that had been stuffed rather carelessly into a frilly pink dress; the second was that James hissed a warning which came entirely too late; and the third was the pair of them suddenly found themselves under attack by candlesticks that seemingly flew out of nothingness to whack them on the head.

Their work done, the brass candlesticks (quite a handsome set, despite the rust that was creeping up the base) dropped to the ground with an all-too-loud clatter. James and Sirius stared at each other, neither quite sure what to do.

Footsteps sounded above them, heavy, loud, and moving fast.

Sirius mouthed something, a question in his eyes, but James did not want to figure out what he was asking. It was better this way, really… it was a fair fight…

"Come on, Mulciber!" He shouted, as the pounding of footsteps could now be heard on the stairs. "Don't be scared!"

Sirius sent him a shocked glance, but James ignored it, blood pounding loud in his ears.

"Who's there?" Snarled the familiar voice. "Don't move, or I'll kill you."

James couldn't help the snort of derision, or the exhilarated rush that swept through him. Was someone supposed to feel this _happy_ about killing someone? He didn't know, he didn't care; all that mattered was that Mulciber would soon be dead. "Not if I kill you first." He said, calmly, so matter-of-factly he may have been discussing what there was for breakfast. His voice echoed off the walls, bouncing confusingly off the many objects in the crowded room.

They could see his face now, half-formed in the moonlight that streamed through the window, eyebrows raised in shock. It was plain he couldn't see them, but he was searching, and recognition was displayed in his eyes. "Potter- this is a surprise. Although it shouldn't be, considering… well, that doesn't-."

"Considering what?" Sirius asked, interrupting brusquely. James realised- and his heart missed several beats- what Mulciber meant. A sick feeling rose up within him.

"If you knew the truth, Potter, you probably _would_ kill me." Mulciber was utterly encased in shadows now, moving forward as he tried to locate them. "My father was one of them, you know. One of the ones who did it."

"What the fuck is he on about?" Sirius rounded on James, but James couldn't find the words. Rage such as he had never known was building up within him; he felt blind, but he could see his objective… it was like a narrow tunnel was forcing him to focus on Mulciber, whose shiny hair had just caught a patch of moonlight as he walked slowly around a bookshelf…

An explosion of spells burst from him in a savage frenzy- Mulciber was suspended in light, lifted from the ground and tossed to and fro like a rag doll, screams silenced by a Constriction Charm on his throat. He got his bearings after a while, and fired a non-verbal curse of unknown effect, as James and Sirius had time to duck out of the way. The diversion was what Mulciber had needed- he dropped to the ground and coughed harshly, fury and humiliation evident in his face. _"Crucio!"_ He rasped, but the curse exploded harmlessly above their heads. A short silence followed, a preamble to the terrible thing that would happen next- Mulciber spoke, and what he said made Sirius draw a quick breath and made James feel completely, horribly frozen inside.

James had heard enough. As Sirius stiffened in shock beside him, James threw himself out from behind the armoire they crouched behind and fired a curse he'd hoped never to use- a _Sectumsempra,_ which hit the target squarely. Mulciber had not been expecting such a powerful attack, and cried out as gashes that quickly brimmed over with blood covered his face, arms, chest…

He managed to shoot a spell in retaliation, but the roaring green jet of light was so wildly off target that it hit an old, broken grandfather clock. The clock was one of the infamous cursed items, and with a tremendous bang it exploded into leaping blobs of fire that quickly- too quickly for normal fire- spread throughout the room. The flames danced orange and angry in James's vision, and his nostrils filled with smoke, he was choking. He realised, then- he would never kill Mulciber. Or anyone. He _could_ never. His eyes were suddenly damp, but perhaps that was irritation from all the smoke.

"_Change." _He heard Sirius mutter. "_Let's go."_

He changed, fluidly shifting into the body of the stag. He was lower to the ground, the smoke was clearer here… clear enough for them to reach the exit and escape into the open air. They bolted, eight legs hammering the ground as they ran for their lives. Behind them, a sheet of flame curled into the sky. They didn't see Mulciber apparating away.

x x x

For the second time that week, James stood on the bridge.

This time, Sirius had followed him and stood himself a little ways away, arms folded and head tilted up to contemplate the sky. After a while, the silence was suffocating

"James-"

"I'm sorry, alright?" James blurted out, anger creeping into his voice. "Sorry I didn't tell you. They told me not to tell anyone, and- I wasn't ready to say it."

Sirius frowned. A lot of things wanted to be said, pushing to the tip of his mouth. He let out a slow breath. First things first. "Who told you not to tell me?" He asked, simply.

"Ministry," James mumbled, after a sharp glance at his friend. "Keeping it quiet, because it's- it'll make them look bad." He took a gulp of air, trying to calm himself. "It was their responsibility, you know? I wanted to tell you, I really did."

"Nah, I get it, mate." James looked up in disbelief. "I'm not mad. Not at you, anyway. At those Ministry wankers, that's another story, but... I get it."

Gratitude was evident in James's face. "Thanks, mate." He couldn't help but smile, despite all that had occurred. "Pass the Firewhisky, then."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. He had indeed picked some up from the common room on his way up, thinking it might've been useful. "How'd you know I had some?"

James laughed. "When do you not have any alcohol? Give it here, already."

And bemused, Sirius (who definitely did not _always_ have alcohol on his person, thanks) passed him a flask of Ogden's Finest Old Firewhisky.

x x x

Thin, bony fingers wrapped around Lily's wrist and held on tightly. "_Is it true you're friends with James Potter?_"

Lily found herself unable to reply and she wordlessly tried to pull away, but the iron grip only tightened in response.

"Answer me, Lily!" She was shaken roughly by her arm. A lock of hair fell over her eyes and she raised her trembling free hand to brush it away. "Potter is trouble, he- he'll hurt you! We both know he's an arrogant pig, strutting around like-"

Lily found her voice. "I'll thank _you_ not to call my friends names." He stiffened. She felt a surge of courage. "And am I s'posed to believe that you and your Death Eater friends _aren't _trouble? Because it seems like it would be, especially for a _Mudblood_-" She spat the word, contempt filling her voice. "-like me." Snape noticed her tones, met her furious gaze shamefully, and flushed horribly.

"I… I'm not denying it, but… you've got to stay away from Potter." His voice was barely a whisper. "His friends- Sirius Black, for Merlin's sake-"

"Rather Sirius Black than Bellatrix Black." Lily snarled, now attempting to prise his unyielding fingers away. "And you've got no right to tell me. You never had any right to tell me who I can and can't be friends with, Severus. You don't _own_ me. I can make my own damn decisions; now get your _fucking_ hand off of me before I curse it off!"

He let go as if something had stung him, and backed away, forming a cradle with his tightly knotted fingers. "Potter gets another chance at friendship," He murmured, looking completely helpless. "Why don't I?"

"Because Potter proved that he deserves one." Lily snapped, turning on her heel and striding away. The sight of him, so utterly pathetic and wretched, had moved stirrings of pity somewhere within her. She pushed them away, now stumbling blindly down the corridors, unsure of where she was going.

x

Lily emerged, on the brink of tears; onto the balcony where she and James had had that conversation- it seemed so very long ago now. It was only when she saw the blue firelight glinting off two pairs of eyes- and one pair of glasses- that she realised that she was not alone.

It was Sirius Black and James Potter, and they had not noticed her. They were talking quietly; passing a flask- Lily had her suspicions as to the contents of said flask- back and forth between them. She watched uncertainly for a while; inexplicably, she was rather glad to see them. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter- Lily may not ever have been _very _fond of the Marauders, but she couldn't deny the jealousy she felt when she saw any of them together. They were a flawless group, seemingly to outsiders, utterly inseparable. The oncoming war and probably even Death itself would be hard-pressed to tear such a friendship apart. Her own group of friends, while comprised of the most wonderful people, was splintered at the very heart, with ever-present dislike palpable between... certain members.

She sighed, leaning against one of the four ugly statues that flanked the bridge at either end. She continued to watch them, quietly, as they talked about things she wasn't- and likely would never be- privy to. James was obviously explaining something that involved flamboyant hand gestures. Both seemed to find whatever it was uproariously funny.

She could stand silence no longer.

"Hi." Lily said, and they both twisted around to stare at her in surprise. Sirius hastily tried to stow the flask out of sight, but he dropped it and it rolled cheekily into plain view on the middle of the bridge. They glanced at her worriedly, and she felt a sudden surge of guilt and shame at the fact that they fully expected her to turn them in.

"So, is this the place to come and get sloshed?" She asked, the corners of her lips twisting upwards involuntarily. James grinned sheepishly.

She moved closer towards them and sat between them, forcing a gap big enough for her to fit comfortably. They'd cleared a large section of the bridge of snow, and blue flames flickered in a glass jar nearby, casting heat and a comforting glow. With the two of them pressed tightly against her on either side, she was pleasantly warm, despite the frozen air.

"Can- er- can we get our, erm, Butterbeer back?" Sirius asked nervously.

"Yeah, alright." Lily said resignedly, knowing perfectly well that they hadn't been drinking Butterbeer.

He stood up to fetch the flask, and Lily fully appreciated for the first time how much she needed Sirius Black in her life. He was an excellent wind block.

"Come back quickly, I'm freezing!" She called, and was strangely pleased to feel James's silent laughter beside her.

Sirius returned and resumed her seat with a scowl. "You'd think you only like me because I block the cold." He grumbled, shifting so that she was forced to wriggle closer to James. He unscrewed the cap, and Lily caught the strong scent of Firewhisky drifting along the breeze.

"You'd think right then." Lily said airily, making a sudden decision. She'd take the leap. "Pass the Firewhisky, Black."

"It was too much to hope she wouldn't notice, mate." James said, as Sirius scowled in disappointment. "She'll always find-"

He stopped abruptly, and Sirius's eyes looked ready to pop from his head, as Lily tilted the flask to her lips and took a deep gulp.

"Not all at once- oh, Merlin." James, who had recovered first from the shock, pushed a hand through his hair in exasperation.

The liquid burned a painful trail down her throat and her eyes watered- but there was a pleasant fiery feeling building in her stomach once she got it down.

"I might be more drunk than I thought, but did Perfect Prefect just-" Sirius broke off, awe in his eyes, as Lily took another, smaller sip (she'd learned her lesson).

"Shut up, you prat." Lily snapped, passing James the flask. Already, her head had begun to tingle satisfyingly.

"When has telling me to shut up ever worked, honestly?" Sirius snorted, doing everything except shutting up. The alcohol was heavy in his voice, slurring every word together ever so slightly. "My mouth doesn't listen to orders."

"I'm sure Hogwarts's female population can attest to that." Lily said drily, wondering what the hell she'd gotten herself into. Something about her encounter with Severus had shaken her, and she needed this. She needed a distraction.

James and Sirius stared at her for a confused heartbeat, and she flushed. Then laughter exploded from them, uncontrollable and deafening. Alcohol, Lily noted, made everything hilarious.

"Who knew Lily was so funny? Did you know, James?" Sirius slung an arm around her shoulders, leaned closer. The smell of smoke clung to him, but Lily only found this strange for a split second.

"I had an idea." James snorted. "You know who else is unexpectedly funny? Marlene."

"Ah, the bitch. She is quite- rather… sarcasm's good." Sirius burbled happily, and Lily shook her head as they both burst into peals of laughter again. She still didn't see what was so funny about all this.

"I need more of that." She said, and James passed her the flask dutifully.

"I think this is the most fun I've had in a long while." James mused, now also leaning against Lily. Their combined weight made her feel quite small, but not entirely uncomfortable. "Even more than changing all the prefect pins to-"

He broke off as he remembered that Lily was there. Now feeling nicely befuddled, she absentmindedly pulled up her pin to squint at the engraving on it. Where there had once been a "P", there was now a rather indecorous picture of a scantily-clad woman adorning the shiny red surface. Barely a month ago, Lily would have been outraged.

Now she just collapsed into a fit of laughter that echoed off the walls of the castle, startling some crows into taking off and flying away into the sunrise.

* * *

- BACKWARD

"She cost me ten pounds at the shop, and I like her." James crossed his arms stubbornly. "She's sexy."

"Well," Lily bit back laughter, attempting to assert her control over the situation. "You can move out and go live with her if you want, but I doubt she'd be as good at snogging."

James harrumphed, scowling at his wife. "Why can't I have both snogging _and _Lily Jr.?" He muttered sullenly.

"Oh, heavens- you've _named _her?" Lily buried her face in her hands. "Look, it's like this- either you get rid of _Lily Jr., _or no more snogs or _anything else_ for the whole of Christmas."

"Thou art a pitiless wench." James grumbled, but with a practiced toss, the Christmas tree angel landed headfirst in the rubbish bin.

"You like it." Lily grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"A bit, maybe."

She rolled her eyes, before pressing her lips to his.

Their minds, so occupied with the snogging-induced haze that had settled over them, barely registered the doorbell ringing.

"I hate Remus." James mumbled, barely lifting his mouth away as he spoke. Lily wasn't too keen on an interruption, either, but she pulled away first and hurried towards the door. James flopped onto the couch and eyed the legs of the angel, sticking out of the bin. That really had been quite a good shot.

Lily opened the door, smiling at the sight of their old friend. "Remus- happy Christmas! Come in!" She enveloped him in a hug and all but pushed him inside, steering him in the general direction of the sofa. "Had a good Christmas so far? Ours has been pretty normal, unless you count James bringing home the most _ghastly _decorations-"

"They were _not_!" James protested. "There she is, in the bin. Have a look and decide for yourself, Moony."

Remus shook his head amusedly, crossing the room obediently to peer down at the upturned angel. He gingerly lifted her out by a ribbon that trailed from her skirt, and stared at the doll. Lily Jr. swung back and forth from the ribbon like a pendulum, blue painted eyes staring into the distance. "Lily's right, mate. It's ghastly." He lowered her down into the bin again. "I don't think I could sleep with knowing that's there, just _staring_."

"The both of you can suck my-" James began sullenly.

"You'll hear no complaints from me!" Lily interrupted cheerily, clambering over the sofa to reach the kitchen. "Eggnog, Remus?"

Remus laughed. "Thanks, Lily."

x x x

7:30 PM, Christmas Eve, found James crouching beside the oven, tapping the stovetop with his wand, and Lily flipping through old and dusty records. They were quiet, but it was a comfortable type of quiet, broken only by the occasional strange hums of the oven or Lily's light coughs as dust billowed up into her face.

"Finally!" James broke through the silence, straightening up and stretching wearily. "Damn oven. Can't even work properly on Christmas."

Lily laughed, peeking at him over a sheaf of records. "What do you think of Simon and Garfunkel, James?" She waggled the record back and forth, the faded cover depicting the two muggle singers staring off into the dark background. "It's all Muggle stuff, I'm afraid."

"Alright, we'll give it a go." He replied, and she reached towards the coffee table, where a battered old phonograph sat. She'd spent the previous afternoon trying to charm it into playing magically, but it was an old and stubborn model and only started to function after she'd all but given up. After she'd placed the record on the turntable and carefully positioned the needle, she waved her wand, her other hand hidden behind her back as she crossed her fingers together.

To her relief, the first strains of _Mrs. Robinson_ came clearly through the phonograph. James raised an eyebrow, and she read the meaning in his eyes in exasperation. "James, n-"

"Up you get, Lily!" He laughed, leaping over the back of the sofa to stand in the middle of the living room. She shook her head. They really had to move the sofa, so that you could actually reach the kitchen without clambering over furniture. "Come on, Lillers. Come _on_." He grabbed her hand and pulled her up; for all her struggling and thrashing about, he managed to get her to her feet.

"Alright- now, I'm a better dancer than you are, so just follow what I do, yeah?"

"For Merlin's sa-"

James interrupted swiftly by planting a kiss on her lips and his hand on her waist, the other tangling with her fingers. "Shut up, Lily."

With a resigned sigh, she placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm going to tread all over your toes, you daft moron." She couldn't help the giggles that rose up as he steered them around.

"What kind of a thing is that to say- _right_ after receiving one of the best snogs in all of existence?" James swung around rather wildly, watching Lily's hair fan out as they whirled through the air together.

"What kind of thing is 'Shut up, Lily'?" Lily teased, allowing herself to be led around in a crazy path around the middle of the room. _Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes… _she twirled, ending up with the result that James's arms were twisted uncomfortably behind her back.

"See, you're no good."James untwisted her, then lifted her and- ignoring her shrieked protests- spun wildly on the spot. _God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson, heaven holds a place for those who pray. _"Just let me handle this."

"I'm dizzy- stop!" He placed her back on the ground obediently. She stumbled forward giddily, crashing into him; the both of them went tumbling down over the sofa. Lily laughed, and he joined in.

"Happy Christmas, James."

"Happy Christmas to you too, Lily." Neither of wanted to move, even though his hand was being squashed painfully under their combined weight. "That was fun- but I don't think I can get up now."

"That's alright, I don't need you to get up."

James grinned. "Let me just pull my arm out from under me first."

x x x

"Come on, Marley, it's _Christmas_." Howie mumbled, crawling into the bed. She was warm, and still, her breathing steady. He could feel the rise and fall through her back, as he placed a hand on her shoulder blade. "Please. Marlene." She shifted, and a messy lock of hair fell across his hand.

"I wish you'd just trust me- I wish you'd just tell me." He felt something horrid swell in his throat and bubble upwards- he pushed it down, or tried to. The sob escaped anyway, and hot tears seeped down onto the sheets.

"Don't start crying again, Howard." Marlene had turned over; she was facing him, something dark embedded so deeply in her gaze he almost drowned in her despair.

"What else am I supposed to do?" The words scraped at his throat as if he were speaking shards of broken glass.

She didn't answer, and with a shaking hand he brushed some hair away from her face and kissed her forehead. Everything was crashing around him, it seemed, the only remnants of what he held most dear pulverising instantly upon impact with the ground. It felt like something rotten was weighing him down, when really he just wanted to forget this all and float away. "You can't stay here forever." He said. "Come down for dinner, please?"

"You don't understand anything. You don't understand this, or me, or anything." She'd turned her head ever so slightly so that her words came out muffled by the pillow. Her eyebrows were drawn together, dark and stormy and wild above eyes now squeezed shut. Between them was a faint line, a line which was most likely a product of all the scowling she'd done.

Howie almost smiled, but then he remembered that she was expressionless now.

"I want to understand." He said.

"Yeah." She said.

He got up. "I'll bring you some Christmas pudding later."

"Christmas pudding?" Marlene lifted her head a little. The shadows shifted on her face, throwing her dry, cracked lips into the light.

"Yeah, I made it for you. I thought you'd like it." Howie said, before turning and hurrying from the room, slamming the door before she could answer.

x x x

Mary was still small and still quiet, even more so now that her old friends had left school. She had new friends, now, (she strongly suspected that Lily was to blame for that fact) and she liked them. She knew that nobody could replace Lily Evans as her best friend. Or Lily Potter, whatever she was now.

Mary was still sad and still scared, but now she had to put that all aside, because Mary was in love, and fear and love make an ugly combination. People did horrible things out of fear for those that they loved. Mary wasn't about to be one of those people.

It was Boxing Day. She clutched a red handbag, and it was the only bit of red on the white street. In her handbag there was an address, but she had no need to look at it. She'd committed that address to memory. She made her slow way down the street, boots leaving deep marks in the snow. One more row of houses and she would be there…

And then she was there. The door was dark and peeling, with a brass knocker set in the middle. Mary reached out and lifted the doorknocker, the metal freezing even through her gloves. She knocked, twice.

The door swung open, creaking on hinges that hadn't been oiled recently. Mary's face broke into a shy smile when she saw who was standing there; she was hugged and given a kiss that made her turn pink.

"I missed you." She said.

"It's only been a week, Mary." Said Regulus Black. He looked sad, but Mary didn't know why.

Mary didn't know anything about him, Regulus thought, sadly. And she never would know. "Let's go for a walk. You don't want to be in there, anyway." He said, adjusting the chain of the locket that was hung around his neck and smiling.

She nodded, and they went.

* * *

A/N: Idk what this chapter is. Some bits move the story forward and others don't. Some bits are dark and depressing and others are just fluff. I hope you like it, anyway. All this Mary/Regulus will be explained so don't panic. I really hope you like this chapter. Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **gah, it's been forever and a half. I'm sorry. But here it is now, Chapter 6. The first half of this chapter is very Marlene-centric, whereas the second is mostly about the Marauders. The last scene between James and Sirius is one of my favourites, so this is a good chapter if you happen to ship James/Sirius, I guess. Although it's definitely WAY on the platonical/bromancey side (which is what I prefer)

* * *

_vi. the acceptance; wrongdoing_

FORWARD –

The snow had barely begun to fall when Lily Evans had a change of heart.

Lily's change of heart had been coming on for a while- had, in fact, been present for a few days now, unbeknownst to her.

"I think I'm friends with James Potter." She said to Marlene as they pulled on their robes, marking a huge moment in this story. The moment where Lily accepted it. Or at least part of it.

Next to them, Vance froze and stared very focusedly in the opposite direction, which of course meant she was listening very hard. Neither of them noticed.

"You're joking." Marlene snorted. "Have I really been shunted from the best mate slot for that twat? Oh, whatever shall I do?"

"Don't be so sarcastic, I'm being very serious." Lily said. There was a panicky note in her voice. "I think I'm friends with him, and that... can't be good. And Sirius too. Oh Merlin."

Marlene frowned and then managed to twist it into a sneer in that particular way she had. "So that's what, three out of four? Since you and Lupin are Prefect Pals, I mean. Just need to get chummy with Pettigrew and then you're in- Lily Evans, Fifth and Most Feminine Marauder." Marlene frowned again for a heartbeat, then brightened. "Well, Sirius isn't _too_ manly."

Lily endured a moment of bewilderment and then laughed. "Fifth and Most Feminine?" She cast an amused glance at her newly-surly friend. "Come on, Mar. I _am_ allowed to have other friends, you know."

Marlene glared disbelievingly, which is entirely possible if you're Marlene. "That isn't it at all. You've got plenty of little nasty other friends, I don't give a newt's arse about them." Here she shot a malice-loaded glare at Vance, who was still listening intently. She reddened as Marlene's baleful eyes alighted upon her. "And they're nosy."

"Nosy?" Lily repeated incredulously, shaking her head.

"Yeah, they like to listen in on conversations that are really none of their business. Haven't you noticed?" Vance blushed even darker.

Lily, who was rummaging around for a hairbrush, did not notice this exchange. "Well if it's not jealousy, what is it?" She asked through a mouthful of hairclips.

"Lillian, I've had to put up with five and a half years of you-"

"Lots of love to you as well."

"-during which I have had to listen to more than my fair share of-" Here Marlene adopted a mocking, high-pitched tone. "_'James Potter is so arrogant and he thinks he's oh so _very_ cool, and I do so very much despise him!_'" Lily stuck her hands on her hips and looked disapproving. "So now I've gotten used to it and even started disliking the prat for your sake, and suddenly it's all 'lalala, we're _friends._'"

Lily frowned, now tugging a hairbrush through her very knotty hair.

"I just don't like that you can change your mind so suddenly about who your friends are." Marlene added in a much smaller voice.

Lily was so taken aback that she released the hairbrush and left it dangling in her hair in order to grasp her friend's hand. "It's- no, Marlene, I'm not going to stop being your friend, that's an _absolutely_ ridiculous notion." Absolutely ridiculous was not quite right, Lily privately thought. Marlene, with all her biting sarcasm and unabashed rudeness was not very well liked among the population of Hogwarts. Without Lily, she had nobody.

"Look," She said. "I just got to know James and he wasn't as bad as I thought, that's all. I already know _you._"

"And am I as bad as you thought?" Marlene joked.

"Worse." Lily returned. "But I put up with you anyway."

"You're not so great yourself. There's a hairbrush dangling from your hair."

Lily yanked it out and threw it at her.

x x x

"Listen to this," Said Remus, his face obscured by an unfolded copy of the Daily Prophet. "'Last night several buildings in the Wizarding Village of Hogsmeade were severely affected by a seemingly magical blaze, one that is believed to have begun in the early hours of the morning. The conflagration is rumoured to have started in Farraday's Accoutrements, a small shop notorious for selling untested...' possible Dark Artefacts etcetera blah blah."

Sirius and James stiffened and exchanged a glance.

"'...Several injuries, none fatal. The body of Mr. Farraday, owner of aforementioned establishment, was recovered, but authorities claim that he had passed away at least three days before the fire." Remus lowered the paper slowly and dramatically, to find Sirius and James concentrating hard on spearing record amounts of pancake onto their forks. "Well?" Prompted Remus.

"Yeah. 'S Weird." Mumbled James, staring at the syrup dripping artistically from his fork in great gloops.

Sirius offered no comment but a shrug.

Remus eyed them carefully. "What's wrong with you two?" Then, his eyes grew suspicious. "You don't know something about this, do you?"

"How could you-" Began James indignantly, but Sirius cut across him with all the confidence of a practiced liar.

"We heard Avery and them say Mulciber was hiding in Hogsmeade, that's all. Heard he was in that shop." He took a gulp of pumpkin juice. "Any luck and he burned up with the rest of the shit that was in there."

"Hmm." Remus looked at him, thoughtful. "Maybe we should tell someone, it could help with the investigation."

This time it was James who answered. "Nah, we've got no proof. Besides, they'd just think we were trying to get his mates expelled." Guilt squirmed bitterly within him at the thought that people had been hurt.

Remus frowned, but to his relief did not question him further.

"What do you think, Peter?" He turned instead to the fourth Marauder, who had not yet said anything on the subject. He was staring distractedly down the Gryffindor table. "Peter?" Peter jumped.

"What?" He turned and met the others' expectant gazes. "Sorry, er- wasn't paying attention."

"I asked what you thought about all this. Hogsmeade getting burned down and everything." Remus gestured at the Prophet.

"Hogsmeade got burned down?" Peter said in alarm.

"For Merlin's sake, Peter." Snapped Sirius, looking about as twitchy as James felt.

The next second, though, he glanced up and locked eyes with Damocles Avery. The horrible expression- was it _triumph?_- on the Slytherin's face made his stomach turn over. What if Avery-

He watched as the Slytherin slowly and deliberately touched a finger to his lips, malice evident in his dark eyes even from across the hall.

"Sirius, let's go." He heard himself say automatically. "Gotta practice."

"Quidditch?" Sirius asked in confusion. "That isn't 'till-" But James pulled him to his feet and yanked him out of the Great Hall.

"Did you see Avery?" He hissed once they were out of earshot.

"No, what are you on ab-"

"He knows we were there. He's up to something, I can tell." James interrupted.

"Up to what?" Said a new voice.

James whirled around. Sirius snarled in outrage.

Marlene glared back.

"What d'you want?" James said rudely.

"What were you two talking about?" She asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You've done something, haven't you? I don't like this- is this about Lily? Did you do something to her?"

James stared at her, incredulous. "What? No, this isn't about Lily."

"Well it usually is when it comes to you," Marlene returned, rather nastily. "So I thought I'd ask."

"Can I strangle her?" Snarled Sirius, and as much as James would have liked to see that, he shook his head.

"Look, if I find out this friendship rubbish is a... ploy, or something-" Marlene began what sounded like a very serious threat, but James didn't let her finish.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? A ploy- what the hell are you on about, you..." He struggled for an insult.

"Crazy hell-bitch." Sirius supplied, and James nodded in thanks. Thank Merlin his best mate was there to look out for him. And the great part was- he'd always be there. Probably.

"Don't make me laugh." Snapped Marlene, who had never looked further away from laughing. "I know you're doing this to try and get in her knickers, and the day I get proof of that you'll wish you'd never found out what knickers were in the first place." Sirius and James shared a moment of confused frowning. "Or something equally as terrible." Marlene looked quite a bit more frightening than she normally did, and that was saying something. "She's Lily and she can do better than you." She began to turn away.

"Who's s'posed to be better, McKinnon or someone?" James wished he could stop saying stupid things.

Marlene had frozen stiffly at these words, her back still to them. "I guess... he would be better. They'd be _perfect_ for one another, in fact."

Neither boy seemed to realise that there was anything strange about the way she said this; both burst into a torrent of abuse directed towards Howard McKinnon, which one could say was a VERY BAD IDEA.

Marlene's ears rang with the sound of it, or perhaps that was just her anger.

"SHUT _UP_!" She screamed, silencing Sirius and James immediately. But they had barely a heartbeat of bewilderment before her wand sliced through the air and with a flash of white light they slid into unconsciousness.

The Inner Workings of the Hogwarts Gossip Mill and Why it is Never a Good Idea to Discuss your Life in a Public Toilet

"Someone managed to land James Potter _AND_ Sirius Black in the hospital wing this morning." Said Oliver Stebbins, the sixth-year boy who always used the girl's loo. This didn't bother anyone anymore: he was Oliver Stebbins and he often couldn't remember how to spell his own name, let alone which toilet to use. The female population of Hogwarts had, in the end, accepted it. By now it was normal, just another aspect of Hogwarts life. Many even benefited from it- Stebbins was far and wide considered a valuable and very discreet fount of knowledge when it came to the male mind.

"Yeah, that was me." Said Marlene as she emerged from the furthest stall to the right. She'd heard that it was never a good idea to talk about your life in a public toilet but at the moment she didn't much care. Her ears still rang from the impact of the curse.

There was a loud, theatrical gasp from Dahlia Whittington, whom Marlene distinctly disliked because the stupid nit was in the habit of carting around a large, ungainly cat by the name of Richard. Most of her robes were ripped up at the shoulders from where the animal had dug its nasty little claws in, and it seemed as if, despite being a fifth year, Dahlia had never gotten the hang of either a mending charm or a sewing kit. This set of robes, Marlene noticed with distaste, was no exception. Also, the girl was clearly barmy. People said she swore _("Cross my heart and hope to die and everyfin'")_ that Richard gave her warnings when she was getting too close to danger. _Turn around Dahlia Whittington, _something like that. Barmy. Clearly. Like there was any real danger at Hogwarts for Dahlia to run into. At that thought, Marlene let out something between a scoff and a snort.

Oliver and Dahlia both flinched.

"What?" Said Marlene, suspicious. Was the cat giving warnings? It was certainly looking at her in a way she wasn't entirely comfortable with. And the fur was making her nose prickle even from two sinks away.

"You made... a sound." Dahlia whispered, one pudgy hand combing through Richard's fur with such studied determination it was as if she were searching for buried treasure. Or ticks.

"That a crime now?" Marlene said, cool as a cucumber. She looked up into the cracked mirror. Or not so cool. She looked like hell. But scary. Marlene could do scary.

The subject of crime seemed to remind the two of them of her previous confession, and promptly Oliver decided to speak up.

"Did you _really_... you know?" He said, nervousness evident in his every syllable. "Only, they were both out, stone cold. Gabby Gillespie reckons-"

"Does it look like I _care_ what Gabby Gillespie reckons?" Marlene interjected nastily, further inspecting her own surly reflection. Her right eye was partially covered by stupid graffiti, _A loves F_ and rude words that some berk actually thought it was funny to write. The last time _she'd_ done that she'd been a first year, scratching _fuk teachers_ or something on a desk while Lily giggled guiltily, long red hair falling down like a ginger waterfall and obscuring Marlene's illicit scrawlings from the world.

God, she was so distracted today. Her fingers drummed around the side of the sink, beating a nervous pattern on the chipped porcelain. _Focus. Focus._ Something had gone horribly wrong today. She'd lost control.

"I knocked them out with one hex." She informed her captive audience. Her mouth felt dry. The urge to vomit, or yell, or expel the _something_ that roiled sickeningly inside her rose up. She stuffed it down.

"But- why?" Dahlia blurted, arms protectively squeezing around Richard and words framed in flowery innocence and naiveté. Her brown spaniel eyes were round like platters.

"They were having a go at- someone. I didn't like it." Marlene hissed, sidestepping Oliver Stebbins.

"Do you mean Lily Evans?" Dahlia asked, confusion pulling her brows into a frown.

"No, not Lily." _I've said too much_. "Out of my way, Stebbins!" He leaped aside in his endeavor to do her bidding, ending up with his arse firmly planted on the tile floor. A contemptuous look, and Marlene stormed away.

x x

"What was _that_ all about?" Dahlia stared after her. Her eyes had widened to approximately twice their original size, and that was saying something. "Do you think we should tell-"

"And get our arses hexed into next Thursday?" Oliver asked, gingerly dabbing cream on a (definitely nonexistent, Dahlia tried to tell him) spot near his chin. "Not bloody likely."

"Right." Dahlia buried her face in warm cat, breathing in the familiar smell of cat hair and fish.

But in the stall at the very back of the bathroom sat a girl. A girl who had been too scared to even flush lest she be caught eavesdropping, but as the sound of Oliver and Dahlia's gossip receded down the hallway, she tugged on the chain with great vehemence. Emmeline Vance- for that was her name- was well and truly done being scared of Marlene Codell.

x x x

It was only later that Marlene remembered that it was never a good idea to talk about your life in a public toilet, and when she did recall this very important fact she got nervous all over again. Hopefully she'd scared Oliver and Dahlia so much that they wouldn't tell, but... what if Lily found out?

"Heya, Lillian." She said as calmly as possible, sliding into her seat at the redhead's side.

Lily mumbled a tired greeting, and Marlene noticed with a small, sick, private flare of pride that neither James Potter nor Sirius Black had shown up for Potions yet.

"Did you hear James and Sirius got sent to the hospital wing?" Lily hissed at her side. Marlene blinked very rapidly a few times and tried to keep the twitching under control. _Turn around, Marlene Codell._ Maybe if she had had a warning-cat of her very own this mess never would have happened. "I hope it wasn't one of the Slytherins... and I hope they're alright." She looked rather worried, Marlene noticed. Her heart sank further. She slumped in her seat.

"Yeah, listen, Lily... I-"

But the start-of-class bell rang and Lily hushed her, mouthing _tell me later_ as she straightened in her seat to pay close prefectly attention to Slughorn.

They were made to separate into groups of four, and Marlene and Lily were promptly joined by Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. The former glared icy daggers at Marlene as he sat down, whereas the latter just looked unspeakably nervous. So they'd heard. Shit. Of course they had, they had that whole inseparable group of chums thingy. But whether or not they'd put it all together and figured her out- that was the question.

She chanced a glance at Howard McKinnon's head, on the other side of the classroom with a particularly vindictive looking Emmeline (although the bitch usually looked vindictive. Marlene thought it was the nose, all pointy and disdainful like that) and some other spotty gits who she didn't care to name.

"I'll get the supplies!" Offered Lily, happily oblivious to the bubbling tension between her fellow group members. She rose and began to chart a safe path across the mess of open fires and boiling-water-filled cauldrons that was the classroom.

"Hexed anyone recently?" Remus sniped almost the second she was out of earshot. She would have laughed, had her situation not been so hopelessly dire. Merlin, he was ridiculous, with his sarcasm and veiled threats.

"Nah, I've been trying to cut back lately." Marlene shot back, gracing the wanker with a cold smile. Sarcasm for sarcasm, eye for an eye, that sort of ditty was what one sang when they crossed blades with Marlene Codell. Sarcasm blades, that is, because in a duel Marlene tended not to let them get a hex in edgeways. See Exhibits A and B: Potter and Black.

"Don't get clever with us." Snapped Remus.

"Yeah, those're our friends you've hexed!" Peter spoke up, face colouring in indignation. It was plain that he was only talking at all because she couldn't hex him in a classroom under the supervision of a teacher. Typical Pettigrew, that. Hide behind the warlock's skirts and you won't get hurt.

"Why are you even friends with them?" She said shortly. "They're pricks."

"I could ask the same of Lily. About you." Remus returned. Marlene winced. Got me there, scarface. "And they don't hex people entirely unprovoked." The minute he said it, the fact that this was a blaring untruth seemed to hit him. "At least not usually. Anymore."

"It wasn't unprovoked." Marlene said, wishing Lily would hurry up with the damn supplies. She looked over- and there her friend was, leaning against the supply closet and being happily chatted up by Bertram Aubrey. Apparently getting his head swelled to the size of one of Hagrid's pumpkins had not deterred him from pursuing her. Marlene spared them another disdainful glance before noticing that Howard, too, was staring at them angrily. Jealously. Marlene's mood took a violent swing for the worse. And that was saying something, since it was already residing in the nebulous zone of pretty damn bad.

"Yes it was." Snapped Remus. "They told me you walked up and started attacking James about Lily. It's just the sort of thing you'd do, isn't it?" He cast a glance towards Lily, who was laughing that stupid tinkly laugh at some joke Bertram had told. His face was flushed and shiny- no doubt with pleasure that she had actually found one of his _awful_ jokes funny.

He was a hopeless wanker, pitifully crawling after her even though he had no chance. Marlene's seething glare fell short as she realised that nobody crawled after her. No- Marlene herself was doing all the crawling.

"Hey! Codell, I'm talking to you!" She was made vaguely aware again of Remus existing.

"And I'm finished talking to you." Marlene said distractedly, getting to her feet.

"What... what are you doing, the potion-" Peter petered out nervously.

"I'm done crawling." She said, more to herself than her bewildered tablemates.

x x x

Howie had been a little peeved when he hadn't gotten to work with Lily in Potions that day, but he didn't let it upset him greatly; Howie was a good-natured boy, and so consoled himself with the fact that he could see and talk to her plenty after class.

It became difficult to restrain his anger when Bertram Aubrey, the great swaggering baboon (Howie was not too good at insults, that was more Marlene's forte) began to talk to Lily in an all-too-friendly manner. He resolved to throw a rotten eel at him later, maybe mix in some first-class potion sabotage (oh yes, Howie was the most devious of vengeance-seekers), and satisfied with his workable plan he returned to his work. Then-

"Howard," Marlene had approached their table, looking more nervous than Howie had ever seen her. It was rather unsettling, actually. "Can I have a word?"

Nonplussed, Howie began to nod, but Vance grabbed his arm.

"Leave him alone!" Turned out she was speaking to Marlene, which settled the pronoun confusion Howie had felt moments ago, and glaring daggers at her as she did so. "He's done nothing to you!"

Marlene looked supremely uninterested. This annoyed Howie; did Marlene always have to be so rude? But he was curious. "She's not done anything either, Vancie." He said diplomatically. The unspoken 'yet' was clear to all. "I'll be fine." Reluctantly, Vance let go and he followed Marlene to the shelves where the old, rickety school scales were kept.

"What's the matter?" He asked. He had never seen her like this; she looked well and truly worried. "It's not about Lily, is it?" Panic flared; what was so urgent that Marlene would speak to _him?_

"Not EVERYTHING is about Lillian, Howard!" She very nearly shrieked, but it was a sort of whisper-shriek that thankfully didn't carry to the rest of the classroom.

"Alright, sorry, sorry." He said, alarmed. "I just thought- since that's the only reason we're- I mean, that we ever talk to each other, or anything."

She seemed to quail at his words. Was she ill? Concussed? Howie frowned. Whatever it was, something had gotten her acting very strangely indeed.

"You're right." She said finally, in a small voice. "I'm sorry. Naturally, you'd assume- anyway, this isn't about Lily." She took a deep breath. Howie gawked. Had Marlene Codell just _apologised? Admitted she was wrong?_ "I suppose I just wanted to say... I'm sorry for being such a dreadful... such a right bitch to you, you didn't deserve it... I- I'd like to be friends. Or at least not fight anymore, please." She looked close to tears. Howie was still trying to sort through the upside down mush that his brain had just turned into. Had some crazy demonic entity of chaos possessed Marlene? It seemed the only reasonable explanation.

"You don't want to." Marlene said, misinterpreting his silence. "It's fine, I get it... I wouldn't either if it... I'm sorry. I shouldn't've bothered you." She turned away.

And that was when some benevolent force of insanity and goodness possessed Howie in turn. "No- wait, I do. I do want to be friends." He smiled at her, wondering if maybe as a friend he should recommend a trip to the hospital wing to check for concussion.

The concussion theory was strengthened considerably by the fact that she promptly burst into tears. Howie could do nothing but stare for a few seconds, then the benevolent force took over and he hugged her tightly.

Once he got her dried up and back into her own seat (Lily was STILL talking to the tosspot Aubrey, UGH) he returned cheerfully to his group.

"She wanted to be friends." He informed Vance. "Can you believe it? I can't." He actually laughed, suddenly overtaken by a bout of the good mood.

"Don't be friends with her, she's... she's dangerous!" Vance hissed, crumbling a papery adder skin into the cauldron. They were a bit behind the rest of the class but at least ahead of Lily's group (she'd gotten up to get the supplies and was now stuck in a never-ending conversation with Aubrey).

"How do you mean, dangerous?" Howie asked.

Vance fidgeted. "Nothing. Never mind."

x x x

Midnight Meetings of the Suspicious Sort

Lily squinted through the gloom of the half-lit hospital wing. She clutched a book to her chest, and it was a small measure of comfort to assuage her nervousness. She crept towards the beds, searching for one occupant in particular.

"Oh, of course you'd come _now._"

She whipped around to find Sirius Black staring at her, dark eyes glinting.

"What?" She said, trying to calm the beating of her heart, which had sped up in shock at hearing his voice out of nowhere. "Sorry, I couldn't get away earlier. Where's James?"

"Sleeping like a lamb." Sirius nodded towards the bed opposite his own. Lily could just make out James's darkened figure, the blankets rising and falling steadily. "Yeah," Continued Sirius, watching her closely for some sort of reaction. Calculating. Lily distinctly disliked it. "He didn't want to admit it but he really was hoping you'd show your pretty face. You know, since _he_ had to be _dragged away_ before he would leave _your_ precious bedside."

Guilt crept up on Lily like a pestilence. The very thought that James Potter now had the moral highground over her only made things worse.

And Sirius wasn't done yet. "He was so excited too... would've stayed up all night, but you took so long getting here that he conked out before you arrived."

"All right, enough." Lily snapped, irritated. "I came as quick as I could, honestly. Marlene didn't want to let me come."

"Yeah, I'll bet she didn't." Sirius said moodily, as Lily approached James's bedside table and set the book down on it.

Despite herself, she glanced at him. His face was awash in moonlight, framed by white bandages and gauze. He looked strange without his glasses (they were folded up on the table), though not unpleasantly so. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked Sirius, still looking down at James.

Sirius seemed to deliberate on the point of what to say next for a few seconds, then shook it away. "Nothing. Admiring the view, are we?"

Lily rolled her eyes and walked back towards Sirius's bed. Then realised it was near pitch black. "I rolled my eyes, in case you couldn't see, since... it's dark in here." Lily Evans, stating the blatantly obvious since 1960. Well, she supposed there wasn't a whole lot of stating of any sort when she had been a newborn baby, but still. It was a habit she rather would like to shake off.

Sirius turned on his bedside lamp with a lazy flick of his wand, then gestured to the foot of his bed. "Sit down, then."

She sat, not entirely sure why she didn't just leave. A few weeks ago she would have just left.

"He was there for me the whole time, but I didn't come through until the last minute." Lily rubbed her temples, feeling more ashamed by the minute. "I am the worst excuse for a friend, aren't I?" The irony of the whole situation didn't escape her, either.

"At least you're a friend; that's more than he would've had a year ago." Sirius pointed out. "Come on, he'll be happy you care at all. No need for feelings."

"You'd know." Lily said, fiddling with the bedclothes.

"And that's supposed to mean _what,_ exactly?" Sirius raised an enquiring eyebrow. He had rather nice eyebrows, Lily noticed, all elegant and dark like that. Her eyebrows were light and close to untamable.

"Well, you know. Feelings aren't exactly part of the equation when it comes to your... relationships." His expression shifted into something inscrutable. She was suddenly thankful for Marlene, who was always completely readable. "I meant, feeling as in emotional, you know, feelings, not the other kind."

Sirius just made a disbelieving noise.

"What?" She asked, increasingly worried she'd said something weird. Or insulting. Or stupid. The last was rather likely; she seemed to be full to bursting of stupidity lately. "What did I say?"

"Nothing." Surly Sirius came out to play.

"Was it the feelings thing? Because it's just what I heard, it doesn't mean anything really-"

"You heard I slept with half the castle?" He snorted at Lily's face, which clearly showed that she'd heard something exactly along those lines. "Right. You know, just because someone's _unbelievably_ handsome and- yeah, alright- an unabashed flirt doesn't _necessarily_ make them the village broomstick."

"So the great Sirius Black _doesn't_ sleep with lots of girls." Lily mused. Somehow, she doubted his innocence. She'd seen the whole "trail of broken hearts" thing too often for that. Or had she? Maybe she'd only ever heard about it. Her head began to hurt.

"I didn't say that!" He sat up, indignant. "Just not as many as you think, is all. And I'll have you know, I have plenty of feelings." He frowned. "Just not for the girls."

She took a minute to digest this, then- "_Oh. _Oh." Lily turned red and went into full babble mode. "Oh, right. Not that there's anything- no, of course, it's perfectly okay, I accept it, I always have. My cousin is too, you know, and it was _ages_ before his parents accepted it, they thought he was just making some sort of political statement. I think it's great that you can talk about this to me... does James know?" Wait. James. "Hold on, are you and James... or is it just you, or-"

"What in the bleeding hell are you banging on about?" Sirius interrupted irritably. "I'm not making any political statements, just saying I don't get attached to anyone. Romantically, or whatever it is you want to call it. It's just not my thing."

"Oh." Lily turned redder. "_That's_ what you meant. I get it."

"What did you think I meant?" Sirius said sharply. "Just think the 'love one person more than the rest' is stupid, is all." He paused, frowned. "And you _don't_ get it. James neither."

Lily glanced at James's still-sleeping form.

"'S all a distraction, right? The real world's Death Eaters and Voldemort and fighting evil, not who can..." He scowled. "Who cares, right?"

She felt sympathy towards him, strangely. It was an odd feeling, sympathy towards Sirius Black.

"Well, that's got me reevaluating you completely." She almost laughed. "Wow."

Sirius snorted; some of the old arrogance returned. "Don't reevaluate _too_ early, Evans. Incidentally, I'd stay away from the porridge tomorrow morning if I were you."

"You've got to be joking." Lily sighed wearily, but the urge to reprimand was driven out of her by confusion and tiredness.

"Yeah- you've been decent company so I thought I'd warn you. Just stay away from the porridge, you'll be fine."

She shook her head. "If anything serious happens tomorrow, I'll know who to blame. I _mean it,_" She added at the expression on Sirius's face. "And I'm going to warn Marlene and everyone as soon as I can."

"Not Marlene. Don't warn Codell." Sirius said quickly. "The bitch has it coming."

Lily frowned at him. "You're so horrible, just give it a rest! Marlene's done nothing to you."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, right."

"Just stop it, Sirius."

"Alright, but I'm merely pointing out; everything isn't what it seems."

"Don't be so cryptic, goodness me." Lily yawned, losing track of the conversation. "You're just like James. Now- it's late and I'm exhausted, so I'm off." She glanced at him- he seemed to be deep in thought. "'Night, Black." Lily slid off the bed and turned to leave.

"Lily..." Sirius hissed after her suddenly.

"What?"

"Did you think I was gay?"

"Er- _no_, that would be absolutely ridiculous."

"You _did!_" Sirius sounded amused, rather than insulted. "Hold on, did you think _James_ and I were-"

Lily turned pink and was thankful that it was dark enough for everything to be mostly monochrome. "No, I didn't think-"

"In your _dreams,_ Evans."

Deciding that this did not deserve a response, she cast him a baleful glare and departed hastily.

x x x

Marlene was surprised (pleasantly) at how easy it had all been. At first.

They'd just exchanged shy smiles and comments about the weather ("looks a bit damp", he'd said).

And then Lily had arrived, and things had gone sour.

"So," Said the redhead breezily, helping herself to a generous amount of toast. "I went to visit James and Sirius last night." Marlene studiedly watched her knife spread butter efficiently and evenly around the surface of the bread. Then on went a dollop of marmalade, the kind with the bits in it that Lily always had.

"I told you not to." Marlene snapped, fingers worrying away at the edges of her scone. She pried a currant out of the bread, then set it on the edge of her plate.

"Yeah, well, I went anyway." Lily retorted. "James did the same for me."

"It was different." Marlene insisted. She could acutely feel Emmeline's eyes on her. It made her twitchy. "You were attacked with Dark Magic. They just-" Her mouth closed abruptly. "What did they say?"

"Well, James was asleep but I talked to Sirius." Lily folded her toast over like a sandwich. Marlene had never understood why she did that. "Mostly just some rot about feelings. And you." Marlene stiffened. "He insulted you a fair bit." Lily rolled her eyes, but the anger there once would have been wasn't there. "Oh, and stay away from the porridge."

There was a _clack_ as Howie dropped his spoon, which was brimming with porridge, as if he had been scalded.

"Any idea why they're in there?" Emmeline spoke up. Marlene could feel the heat creeping up her neck. She suddenly wasn't hungry.

"None." Replied Lily thickly, through a mouthful of toast. "Probably one of their pranks gone wrong."

"I heard it was a hex of some sort." Emmeline pressed, as Marlene felt her dislike for the long-nosed witch increase tenfold. If Emmeline had "heard" it was a hex, what else had she discovered? It occurred to her that Oliver and Dahlia could have blabbed to anyone. Anyone at all, even- quite possibly- Emmeline Vance, who had an unfortunate fondness for shoving into other people's business.

"You hear a lot of rubbish around here." Marlene said, curtly.

"That's true." Howie put in. "I heard Euginne Dilpotts is having an affair with her _Mimbulus Mimbletonia_, but I think _that's_ rather unlikely."

"Right," Marlene agreed. "And knowing Black and Potter they're bound to get into all sorts of trouble. It would take a powerful hex to get both of them, anyway."

"You'd know." Emmeline snapped.

Marlene's insides turned cold.

"What the hell's that mean?" She demanded, glaring a glare of a thousand daggers at Emmeline Vance.

Emmeline seemed to dither on the point of swapping veiled threats, but finally abandoned all pretense. "I mean, you'd know since _you were the one that did it!"_ Her voice had risen so high that people all around them were listening in curiously.

Everyone was staring at Marlene, too. She felt herself flush under the intense scrutiny.

"Marlene?" Lily said. "What is she on about?"

"Tell the truth, Codell." Emmeline's voice was all trembly, like someone standing on the brink of scoring a great victory but not quite believing it.

"Fine, I did it. It was me." She stared at the table, fingers tracing the knots and whorls in the wood.

"You had an affair with Euginne Dilpotts' _Mimbulus Mimbletonia?_" Howie whispered.

Marlene gaped at him. "No! I sodding _hexed Potter and Black_, alright?!" Her voice rose in pitch, so much that she was almost yelling.

Lily's face was all bunched up as if she couldn't get her head around the fact. "But- why?"

"Because," Marlene began, realising she had no idea what to say. She could hardly tell the truth. "They were insulting some- you." Right. That made sense. "They were insulting you, and I didn't like it." That made worlds of sense.

"That makes no sense." Howie said.

"Right, James Potter would _never_ insult Lily." Emmeline put in snidely. "I heard you and Stebbins and Whittington in the loo, talking."

Anger mounted within Marlene, the kind of anger that made it extremely difficult to form thoughts. "So what, you just thought you'd nose in on somebody's private conversation?" She snapped. Merlin. Her head hurt. "What's your problem?"

"_You're_ my problem!" Emmeline returned, fire in her eyes. At least someone was enjoying this dismal scene. "You treat me and my best mate like shit for _years_ and then go crawling back, expecting to be _best mates?"_ For once, Marlene had no retort up her sleeve. "_That's_ my problem."

"Oh, Vancie, don't-" Began Howie, but the two girls ignored him.

"He might forgive you, but I don't." Emmeline finished, bluntly.

"Vance, stop it." Howie said.

"You've already proven you hex people just for the fun of it-"

But Marlene had had enough- enough of Emmeline Vance, of pretending, of _everything._

"You think you're so _good._" She hissed, not knowing where this was going at all. Her wand was out, jabbing into Emmeline's collarbone, accentuating her words. "But I reckon if you'd heard the shit they said about Howard, you would have hexed them too." She let these words ring into the shocked silence, then: "But with considerably _less_ success."

Blindly, she swung her legs over the bench and stood, refusing to meet anybody's eyes as she stormed out of the Great Hall.

"What?" Howie said, voicing everyone's sentiments.

Lily stared dumbly after her friend- only the still swinging doors marked that she had been there at all- and tried to sort everything out. "Did she really want to be mates?"

"Yeah..." Howie's voice was a little hoarse. "Did she really hex them because they were... insulting _me?"_

And that was it, Lily realised. Realisation hit her like a bludger to the gut, and she stood automatically. "I've got to-"

Howie nodded. "Right."

Lily glanced at the scrawny little blonde wizard and wondered for just how long Marlene had been in love with him.

x x x

Marlene rubbed the heel of her hand under one eye; she found moisture, warmth. She'd been crying, probably. When had that happened? More importantly, how?

She considered telling Oliver Stebbins and Dahlia Whittington (and Richard, obviously) what had happened. Their faces were friendly, full of concern, but Marlene knew better now. It was never a good idea to discuss your life in a public toilet.

"It's nothing." She said, and shrugged.

x x x

Mary didn't really understand what was going on with Howie and Marlene, and she preferred to stay out of it. Marlene frightened her rather badly.

She wished Lily were in her classes, because it would mean that she had _somebody_ to work with whenever they were asked to form partnerships. As it was, she was usually left working with whoever else was left partnerless.

Today, it was Regulus Black.

This was strange, because normally Regulus Black had friends. As the Slytherin seeker- and a skilled one, too- he was quite popular, particularly among his housemates. Mary didn't really know. Quidditch wasn't for her.

"Hi," She said nervously. Mary was small and scared of most things, and Regulus Black was scary. He was friends with the kind of people that were rumoured to already have joined the ranks of the Death Eaters. Mary didn't know whether or not the rumours were true. It seemed improbable, but then again it was a terrible thing to lie about. Nevertheless, they were a frightening group.

Her hands were clasped in her lap and she didn't look up as the slight, dark-haired Slytherin tossed his books violently down at her table.

"Let's just get this done, alright?" Annoyance coloured his voice.

"Alright." Mary said in a small voice, wondering what else it was he thought they _could_ do.

He opened his textbook and thumbed to the correct page.

"It says cooperative conjuration requires highly attuned minds... and it's easy if you're working with someone who has a similar mind..." He snorted, as if he considered Mary's mind to be vastly dissimilar to his own. "Seems like a bunch of rubbish."

"Yeah, it does." Mary agreed, also thinking privately that she and Regulus Black had possibly the least similar minds in the classroom.

"We're making a wine glass. Ready?"

She nodded, raising her wand.

They both muttered the incantation and almost at once, effortlessly, ribbons of clear liquid streamed from their wandtips, swirling around together to twist intricately into the shape of an elegant wine glass.

Mary and Regulus looked up at each other, surprised.

Then his dark eyes softened, almost in amusement. "I guess our minds are similar after all, MacDonald."

x x x

"So, I heard a certain prefect came to visit me on my deathbed last night."

Lily turned to find James leaning insolently against a nearby wall, a single eyebrow raised questioningly.

"Did you?" She replied, stepping closer to him.

"Yeah." He grinned in that particular spawn-of-Satan way that he had. "Also heard that said prefect was having naughty fantasies about me and my best mate."

"I'm going to strangle Sirius." Lily sighed in exasperation, rolling her eyes at the self-satisfied smirk on James's face. "I mean it this time."

"Yeah, OK." He looked thoughtful for a minute, then: "But honestly, Evans. Thanks for coming by."

"I was returning the favour. From when you visited me." She replied, leaning against the wall by his side.

"So- er." James began, wondering when exactly making conversation got so damned difficult. "I take it you know what happened, more or less?"

"Marlene took the both of you down with a single hex?" Teased Lily, smiling despite herself.

James glared. Bloody hell, they were never going to live that down. "Right. Who would have thought Codell had it in her, though?"

"Not me," Lily offered, something in her expression suddenly troubled. "I mean, she's always acted like she couldn't stand Howie, and now..."

"Howie? What?" He frowned in confusion. What on earth did bloody McKinnon have to do with any of this?

"Oh, you know. She hexed you because you were-" Without warning of any sort, her face darkened angrily. "Oi! I'm supposed to be angry at you!" With a filthy glare in his direction, she tried to stalk meaningfully away- only to be impeded by his fingers closing lightning-fast around her wrist.

"What the hell are you talking about?" James demanded. Why did he like this girl? She was ridiculous. "You're _supposed_ to hate me now? Here I thought it was always of your own free will."

"No- it's not like that! I mean, you were having a go at Howie!" Lily twisted and turned in a vain attempt to free herself.

"_What?_"

"Let go of me! I'm _serious_, Potter!"

To her surprise, he did at once.

"Don't go anywhere until you've explained this properly." He said, looking very much annoyed. "I'm not even sure what I did wrong this time."

"Are you telling me you _didn't _do anything wrong_?_"

"No, but-"

"Then why am I still talking to you?" Suddenly, weirdly, Lily felt a surge of guilt out of nowhere. Was she being unreasonable? And the fifteen-year-old Lily Evans- not that much younger than her, really- shouted in her ear: _So what if you're being unreasonable? It's Potter. He _deserves _it._ He didn't though. Not this time. Not really. And so Lily didn't move.

James glared.

Lily glared.

It was a glare-fest.

Then:

"Is it wrong that a small, rabbity part of me is actually attracted to Captain Holly?"

He said it musingly, suddenly, randomly. She could tell it wasn't an attempt to break the tension, just a thought that had occurred to him. But nevertheless, the meaning of his words confused her for a second. She muddled it out, and then almost laughed. God, how was it he could be so mind-numbingly infuriating most of the time and then sometimes be so..._ brilliant? _Fifteen-year-old Lily mentally boxed her future self around the ears, but Future Self was too busy.

"Oh, god, I thought I was the only one!" She found herself exclaiming, clutching his arm in a weird reversal of the scene that had taken place only a few seconds ago.

"I mean, obviously, only if I was a rabbit-"

"Right, obviously-"

"And I'm not sure there are many gay rabbits, either..."

"I always wondered about Peter." Lily really did laugh this time. She couldn't help it. _Traitor,_ hissed FYOL (Fifteen-Year-Old-Lily). _Laughing with the enemy. _"I mean, Benjamin's married and having kids and he still lives with his mother..."

He looked at her oddly. "Peter's a rat, not a rabbit. And too young to have kids, he's only sixteen." His eyes narrowed in suspicion, searching her expression carefully. "What's this got to do with it?"

Lily goggled at him, then put the pieces together and snorted in exasperation. At the same time, James seemed to realise _something,_ and clapped a hand over his forehead.

"Not Peter Pettigrew, Peter _Rabbit._" Lily clarified. "From _The Tale of Peter Rabbit_? Beatrix Potter ring any bells?"

"Is she s'posed to be related to me?" She wondered if that was possible. But it didn't seem likely- Potter was quite a common surname, after all, and judging by James's reaction, he'd never heard of Peter Rabbit so Beatrix Potter was probably a Muggle. "Because I've never heard of her."

"She's a Muggle kid's author." Lily explained, rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness of it all. Sometimes she wished that the Wizarding and Muggle worlds weren't so damn isolated from each other... and other times that was just a part of the magic. It certainly had been when she had first learned of her talents- a whole secret world, just for her and for Sev.

_And did he call Peter a _rat_?_ The vague thought crossed her mind, but it was interrupted almost at once-

_What would Sev say if he saw you like this with the one person you'd both sworn always to hate? _FYOL whispered nastily.

And that did it.

She gave FYOL a firm shove and made damn well sure the door hit her on the arse on the way out.

New policy. _Better _policy. Better Lily. Sort of.

"Honestly, though, Potter."

"What?" He turned to face her properly, head tilted ever so slightly.

"Nice try." She crossed her arms over her stomach, smiling despite everything.

"What?" His face adopted that rather adorable look of innocence that- Lily brought her thoughts to a grinding halt. Okay, new-policy-better-policy-better-Lily-sort-of did not on _any accounts_ mean she could use_ one of those words_ that she ought _never_ to use in a thought about James Charlus Potter (incidentally, how the balls did she know his middle name?). If you're curious, these words include but are not limited to: "adorable", "smart", "charming", and the big taboo- "sexy". Although, his hair did look particularly run-hands-throughable today-

OK, Lily told herself sternly. Enough with the bad thoughts. Bad, bad thoughts.

She blinked and realised James was staring at her expectantly.

"What?"

"That's what I said," Replied James, looking very bemused. "And you just sort of stared at my head instead of replying."

"Oh, sorry." Mentally cursing herself into the lowest level of hell, Lily blushed and looked determinedly away. At the walls, the empty torch brackets. Merlin, how tired was she? "Sorry. A bit distracted with all the... you know."

"Er- no, actually." He said, grinning again.

Lily groaned inwardly. Stupid James-grin. Could it just go away? "Marlene."

Her wish was granted- the grin vanished instantly. "Right."

"Listen, she's just kind of... upset, and very confused-"

"Oh, so that's _alright_ then, is it?" His voice held none of its previous warmth.

"No, of course it isn't-"

"So, am _I_ allowed to say 'I was _upset,_ and _very confused_'-" James interrupted, voice rising in a mockery of her own. "Or is it exclusively Marlene who gets _that_ privilege-"

"Don't be-"

He wasn't done. "-because you actually _like_ her."

"I _do_ like you," Lily snapped. "Most of the time anyway. Not as much at the moment."

"Yeah?" He snorted, but most of the fire was gone from his eyes. His voice was dry, listless. "Come off it, Evans, who are we kidding? You're only being nice because you feel like you owe me for helping you."

This was all going wrong. _Wrong, wrong, wrong_.

"I didn't mean it like that." Lily struggled to maintain a measure of calm. "I only meant, you don't know what Marlene's going through at the moment-"

"And do _you_?"

"Yeah, actually! I've figured it out, she's in love with Howie!" She wasn't exactly aware why she was telling James Potter this, only that she was suddenly furious, completely furious. "Do you even have the _faintest _idea what it's like to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back?"

The beat that followed her words was interminable.

_Wrong._

All the anger drained away, and suddenly there was just shame.

She'd gone and said the exact worst thing she could possibly have said.

"James-"

Hurt, anger, disbelief avalanched across his face in unbelievably quick succession.

"You'd know all about _that-"_ Each word was a slap to the face. "-wouldn't you?"

"James-" She tried again.

The look he shot her then was horrible- normally, of course, it was her sending all the anger, all the hatred his way. It was well and truly horrible being on the other side of things.

_Wrong. Just plainly, perfectly wrong._

"Thanks for the book, Lily." He said, pressing Watership Down into her hands. "It was fun, reading about all the rabbits."

And then he was gone, and it felt _wrong._

* * *

- BACKWARD

"Why did I agree to this?" James muttered as he crouched beside his wife. Lily was peering from behind a bush out into the darkness beyond. Her hair was bedraggled and there was a healthy assortment of leaves and other greenery stuck in the dark red waves. That, coupled with the green eyes and the light smattering of freckles across her pale skin, gave her the distinct appearance of some sort of mad fey queen. Whereas he, James, probably just looked like some no-good hoodlum loitering around, deciding which rubbish bin to set on fire or whatever it was Muggle hoodlums did. It was a fair assessment, all things considered, as he'd certainly been on the no-good hoodlum side of things for most of his life and he was, in fact, loitering.

"Because I made you agree, that's why." Lily hissed, squinting through the gloom. Two battered, graffiti-laden streetlamps were the only source of light on the inky street, as the moon and stars were obscured by a thick buttering of clouds. Mmm, butter. James was _starving._

"I'm starving." He said, fervently wishing he'd brought along something to eat.

"You're always starving." Lily pointed out.

"No I'm not!" He protested. At her glare, he lowered his voice. "Why do women _always_ think all blokes eat like pigs? It's bloody misandry, is what it is."

"OK, first of all-" Lily hated being accused of prejudices of any sort (once she'd wasted an hour needlessly justifying her preference for white bread versus whole grain, and that was a whole other story fraught with complications that James did not have time to think about at the moment). It was probably from a lifetime of fighting against prejudice, he supposed. There was something poetic in that. Possibly. "-I did not say _all_ blokes. I said _you._" She poked him in the chest. "One bloke. And second, I don't think that at all! Remus barely eats anything, for example."

"I was only joking." He tried, half-heartedly.

"Besides, you're the one creating a false stereotype by implying that _all women-_"

He gave her a light shove and she toppled sideways into the street sign.

"Oi, stop it." Lily steadied herself, then glared at him sharply. "We're on a covert mission here, so stop fooling around."

"Or what?" He teased.

"Watch it, Potter."

"No, _you_ watch it, Potter." James shot back, glancing at his watch out of habit. Then he remembered it was broken. God dammit, Sirius. "What exactly are we even doing here, anyway?"

"Spying on Marlene's house. I already told you." Lily resumed her scanning of the house in question. A single light was on, downstairs.

"Right, of course." James ran a hand through his hair. "But, er- why are we spying on Marlene's house?"

"Because it's been a month and she hasn't replied to any of my letters, and neither has Howie." There was genuine worry in Lily's eyes, darkened as they were by shadows. "I think something's wrong."

"So we creep about outside of their house." Truth be told, James was a little bit frightened of what Marlene's reaction would be to this particular activity. "Got it." He hoped it was Howie that found them. Howard McKinnon didn't get nearly as angry, and even if he did James reckoned he could take the other wizard in a duel. Marlene had been known to take down both him AND Sirius and walk away without a scratch. She was terrifying, honestly.

"Lily..." He began nervously.

"What now?"

"What if Marlene turns us into sea sponges?"

He wouldn't put it past her.

"Then we start our new lives on the ocean floor. Honestly, James, don't be ridiculous."

"It isn't ridiculous." James insisted, fidgeting. "Remember Dedalus Diggle? Last time I saw him he still had horns, and he started wearing that stupid hat because of it. And all _he_ did was point out her socks didn't match."

"Her socks never match." Lily replied vaguely, Suddenly, she grabbed his arm. "Quiet! Something's happening!"

Something was, indeed, happening.

Something Happens

Howie realised that he probably ought to put out the rubbish before he forgot.

"I should put out the rubbish," He mumbled to himself. "Before I forget."

He stood wearily (everything was wearily nowadays) and opened the cupboard under the sink, extracting a heavy (he'd forgotten to take it out last week) black bag. Tying the neck in a tight knot, he began the haul towards the front door.

In the narrow, dark little hall in front of the door he was forced to set the bag down while he fumbled with the various locking mechanisms (both magic and muggle). Once all the latches were undone and the charms temporarily lifted, Howie pulled open the door, breathing in the night air.

Now this was the trickiest part. He took a deep breath and stared focusedly down at the dandelions poking insolently through the cracks in the concrete "front garden". It wasn't much of a garden- other than the dandelions and a light film of moss and lichen, the only plant life consisted of a few wilting herbs in a large, earthenware pot.

The walk across the concrete always seemed painful. He didn't know why. Or rather, he didn't know how.

With a glance toward the dark window of the upstairs bedroom, he lifted the rubbish bag and crossed the concrete to the pavement beyond. One step at a time.

The second his feet passed the low wall that marked the edge of their property, two dark figures barreled out from behind the neighbor's bushes (the neighbors had a much nicer front garden than they did).

Howie almost yelled, but recognized the abundant dark red curls as soon as their owner stepped fully into the lamplight.

"Lily?"

"Howie!" Lily's face split into a relieved grin. "You look alright." (No he didn't.) "Are you alright? He looks alright, doesn't he?" This she addressed to the second figure, who revealed itself to be James Potter.

"Er- yeah, he looks OK." (No he didn't.) James nodded to Howie, sticking his hands in his pockets. "How've you been, mate? Catch the Puddlemere U. game last week? Appalling performance."

"No, I haven't really been keeping up with Quidditch lately." Howie admitted, setting down the bag of rubbish. He'd put it in the bin later.

Lily moved closer. "Howie... is everything OK?"

He couldn't lie anymore. "No."

x x

"Marlene's upstairs." Said Howie, as he set a steaming mug in front of Lily.

She started fiddling with the label of the teabag. Darjeeling, Darjeeling was Marlene's favourite.

"Thanks." She murmured, smiling up at her friend, who took a seat beside her.

"So," He said with a sigh. "I guess... it started with her parents. You heard, didn't you? You know about that... of course you do."

James nodded; Lily said "Yes."

Howie's eyes roved over them sadly. "Right. Her whole family. All because-" He stopped abruptly. "Anyway, that was when it started, I think. She was hanging on by a thread then, but still hanging on. But I don't-" His fingers tightened around his own mug. Small and chipped and willow patterned.

Lily's hand found his arm. Squeezed reassuringly.

He took a deep breath. "Then, all of a sudden she just stopped coming downstairs. Then she wouldn't even leave her room. She won't talk. To... to anyone, anyone that isn't me, and I... I don't. I don't know what happened. What I did, or what she-" His head fell into his hands. Lily and James looked at him, wordless.

"God, I had... had Vance take a look at her- you know, how she has that healer thing-" They nodded. "-Vancie had a look but there wasn't anything- and she wouldn't take anything, either." Howie wiped at his face- Lily could distinctly see bright tear tracks glistening there. Pity and sympathy rose up within her; her hand began to stroke a comforting pattern up and down his forearm.

"Can we see her?" She said suddenly. In truth, she didn't know what she wanted the answer to be. Lily was frightened of seeing Marlene- brave, strong Marlene- in such a way.

"I-" Howie replied, uncertainty in his tone. "I'm not... sure..."

"Howie," Lily said at once. "There's no need. It's perfectly understandable if you don't want us to see her."

Howie made a noise that would have been a laugh had he not been so utterly miserable. "It's got nothing to do with what _I_ want. Ever since Vance came up she's been... attacking anyone who goes up there. With magic. Anyone who isn't me, I mean."

"But isn't that her wand on the dresser there?" Asked James quietly. Lily looked and saw that indeed, Marlene's wand (with that cute little curly thing on the handle) was resting on top of the dresser.

"Yeah, it is." Howie replied miserably. "That's the odd part. I took it away, but it didn't make any difference, she can still use magic."

"It's like when magical children do magic without a wand." Realised Lily.

"I suppose." Howie stared down at his mug of tea. Small and chipped and willow patterned.

"The wand's just the conduit." James explained. "The magic comes from the witch or wizard... and if it's powerful enough, or if the need is strong enough... but it's tricky to control."

Lily twisted the teabag string around and around and around, coiling it tightly, then letting go. She watched as it unraveled gradually.

"Well," She began awkwardly. "If there's anything you need, you let us know. We'll be here in a heartbeat."

Howie looked at her with genuine gratitude, but said: "No, you won't. You've got the Order, you've got to... save the world. That's lots more important."

"Don't be silly." Lily felt tears prickle in her eyes. "We'll be here. Of course we will."

x x x

A glimpse into part of a Whole Other Story

Hogwarts, Mary reflected, was a lot quieter now that the Marauders had left. Of course, at first there had been uproar as students competed for the now-empty position of head troublemakers. None of it, however, quite compared. And all of it died down fairly quickly.

Mary was of two minds about this. On the one hand, she liked the quiet... but on the other, Hogwarts seemed just a little less magical with them gone. And Lily...

Well, it didn't matter now. Mary smiled to herself, reflected upon her own very important job.

This was part of Mary's own story.

It was scary- terrifying, in fact- but _she'd said she'd help._ And she would.

There was the gargoyle they'd arranged to meet by... Mary sat beside it, legs folded under her, and reached into her pocket. After rummaging around a bit she finally drew forth a thin gold chain, on the end of which dangled a locket of undecorated, polished gold.

"Mary." Said a voice, and she stood hastily.

"Regulus!" He looked very serious, like always. Dark, and definitely on the handsome side- not quite as handsome as his brother, everyone always said... but Mary thought he was gentler than Sirius. "I brought it."

And she held out the locket to Regulus.

He smiled; a rare sight, and one that Mary prized greatly whenever it came along.

"Is it okay?" She asked anxiously. "You were very specific about it being exactly-"

He held out his hand, palm up, and she lowered the locket into it slowly.

"It's perfect." He said, closing his fingers. "Thank you."

"Will it- will it help?" Mary asked, twisting her fingers together nervously.

He only hesitated the briefest of seconds before replying. "It will."

There was something odd about his manner, and she noticed it immediately.

"Regulus, what's- what's wrong?" She said, feeling suddenly more timid than usual.

He looked at her, then away. Outside a nearby window, the lake glimmered dully in the winter sunlight. It wasn't cold enough to snow yet, but soon it would be.

"I- you deserve an explanation." Regulus Black said finally, hand tightening around the locket. "A proper one. Or at least, a better one." Something shifted in his eyes- almost a haunted look now. It was very subtle, but Mary was good at picking up those things. When one didn't often talk and wasn't often talked to, one learned to listen in other ways- a small change in expression, a flickering of eyes, a minuscule shift in stance; these sorts of things, Mary had learned to read easily as an open book.

"I made a mistake." He began abruptly. "A huge, stupid terrible mistake, and I'm trying... to take it back, if I can. If it isn't too late."

"It's never too late." Mary said automatically.

"Is that something Lily told you?" Regulus teased, and she blushed. Then, he grew serious. Again, she saw the haunted look. So briefly.

"But the thing is," He continued, twisting the golden chain around and around one finger. "The thing is, even if I can make it better... I don't know if I can come back."

Mary glanced at him sharply, but this time he was unreadable.

"But that's alright, I think. I think, if I make it better, it doesn't really matter if I come back or not..."

It mattered to Mary. It mattered a great deal.

"You're not coming back to Hogwarts?" She asked.

"I'm not... you aren't going to see me again. Ever." Seeing her frozen expression, he added: "Look, I wish it was different, or something, but it isn't." Almost roughly.

"Can I see you once," Mary said suddenly. "Over the holidays? Before you leave?"

He seemed to weigh this carefully.

"Yeah... yeah, of course you can."

That would have to be enough.

She'd said she'd help.

"I said I'd help." She mumbled.

"You did help." He replied. "I'd never have been able to do anything if you hadn't."

She nodded mutely.

"I'll owl you." He promised. She turned to go. "Mary-"

Mary stopped and looked at him.

"Thanks."

x x x

Remnants of Something

Sirius Black stared at his bloodied knuckles with something akin to apathy.

"How did this happen?"

"You punched a wall."

Sirius glared at Remus, who leant unsteadily against the barbed wire fencing nearby.

"Git." He breathed heavily out through his nose, steadying himself. "I meant the sodding _Death Eaters_."

"You mean, how did they get away?" Remus Lupin looked around about as frustrated as he felt, and probably just as beat up. "We weren't fast enough, and there were too many of them. That's how."

"If James had been here-"

"There _still _would've been too many of them." Had his friend always been this irritatingly practical? "Besides, you know James always patrols with Lily."

"Right." Sirius grumbled. "Bloody Lily and her stupid little... neediness."

Remus sent him a glance filled with confusion and irritation. "Try calling Lily needy to her face next time." He held the side of his head gingerly, wincing as his fingers traced over some particularly sore spot. "Dammit. I think these Death Eaters have started using Sectumsempra."

"That's Snape's spell, you know." Twisting carefully so as to avoid any injured areas, Sirius scanned the nearby street for anything suspicious. It all seemed clear, however. "You don't think..."

"It's a possibility. And a likely one." Grim lines that hadn't been there a year ago gave Remus the appearance of being a fair bit older than he really was. Well, he was. They all were... except Sirius, it often seemed. Physically, yes, he was getting old and the exact same rate as his friends; but it felt like he, Sirius Black, was the one left stuck in the past while the others moved on. Grew up.

He sank back against the wall, exhausted. God. _Fuck._ Fighting the good fight was great, fantastic, etcetera, but Sirius couldn't help but long for the good old days of the Marauders- when it was them, always, and there were no outside parties marrying any of them and stealing them away... nobody else seemed to miss the dumb pranks and the binge drinking and the _**why**__ oh why won't Lily Evans love me?; _the days when they were happy with life.

_War,_ thought Sirius, _tears people apart._

Or maybe, he was the only one unhappy with life.

Bloody hell. This had to end.

"Alright, we're going." He stuck his wand into his belt.

"Going?" Echoed Remus. "Going where?"

Sirius grinned. "We're going to get James."

"To get... James?" Hurrying to his side, Remus winced as he put too much weight on one leg.

"Yes, and Peter too. Now, will you kindly stop repeating whatever I say, and hurry up?" He glanced at his wrist, frowning. "It's getting late."

"Sirius, you _aren't_ wearing a watch." Remus probably would've sounded more exasperated had he not been in relative pain. "Why are we getting James and Peter?"

"We're _not_ getting James and Peter." Sirius said suddenly.

"We're not? Sirius, what's-"

"We're getting _Prongs_ and _Wormtail._"

Remus stopped talking and looked at him, bemused.

A new grin spread across Sirius's face. Or perhaps it was an old grin, the one he hadn't used since god knew when. "We're getting the _Marauders._"

x x x

Later, Remus muttered a healing incantation under his breath, passing his wand back and forth above his various cuts and bruises_. It would be more effective if I could bloody see what I was doing_, he grumbled inwardly. He was utterly exhausted, but Sirius seemed entirely too passionate about all this nonsense and Remus could not find it in him to let him down.

Sirius Black himself paced back and forth in front of the Potter's doorstep, griping angrily and looking preoccupied.

"They never said they were going out!"

"Lily and James don't have to inform you about every aspect of their lives, Sirius." Remus said for what felt like the millionth time.

"It bloody well better not be a romantic thing." Sirius continued as if Remus hadn't spoken. "Because James won't want to come along if it is. It could get messy."

"And what are we going to do about it if it _is_ a romantic thing?"

"You stun Lily, and then I'll grab James and apparate away before they can react." Sirius grinned wickedly. _Oh Merlin,_ Remus thought.

"I'm not stunning Lily."

"Fine. I'll do the spellwork, _you_ grab James."

Remus rolled his eyes, but before he had a chance to reply there were two simultaneous _cracks_ and the Potters made an entrance.

"Prongs!"

"-and it's probably far too late to-" James was saying, but did a double take as he noticed Sirius. "Merlin's beard, mate, you scared me half to death."

"Sorry." Sirius said, sounding distinctly un-sorry. "Where have you been? Was it a romantic thing?"

"To see Marlene. What's going on?" Lily folded her arms, and Remus saw clearly how tired she looked.

But Sirius had only heard the first part of her reply. "Lovely. Come on, we've got to go. Peter's waiting."

"Waiting? Waiting for what?" James, like his wife, looked utterly bewildered.

"No, he's not." Remus spoke up, feeling he should probably intervene before Sirius got too carried away.

"Oh, hullo, Remus." James addressed him, feeling (rightly) that he was the more sensible of the two and probably could explain better what was going on. "Did we arrange something for tonight? Because I could've sworn-"

"Remus and I-" Sirius caught the pointed glance and amended hastily: "OK,_ I_ decided it'd been far too long since did anything. You know, all together."

"You want to go out? Now?" Incredulous, Lily looked down at what she was wearing and sighed. Remus thought it rather nice, but the redhead seemed dissatisfied. "I don't look nearly nice enough to go out. Hold on."

Sirius interrupted. "Sorry, Ginge, but _you_ aren't invited." He said it lightly, almost teasingly, but she appeared thrown nonetheless.

As Remus had predicted, James then interjected.

"Oi, what d'you mean she isn't invited?"

"I mean, this is a Marauders-only affair."

"He's feeling nostalgic." Remus said by way of explanation.

"Yeah. And she's great, we all love Lily, but she's not a Marauder." Insisted Sirius, lifting his eyebrows challengingly at James. They all knew that look well- it was the Sirius Black equivalent of raising one's hackles. "She can't turn into an animal, for one thing."

Remus watched both Potters carefully for their reactions- James annoyed, Lily vaguely amused.

"Oh dear, does the little doggy need some _love?_" The latter teased, reaching up to stroke his hair. Almost immediately, however, she withdrew her hand. "_Eurgh._ What the hell did you get in your hair?"

"Blood, most likely." Sirius said with all the offhandedness of a seasoned veteran of far too many battles. He turned to Remus. "What d'you reckon- sweat? Tears of our enemies? The usual treatment. Great for my follicles."

James mouth twitched as though he were fighting to maintain his scowl.

"You really ought to take better care of your hair." Lily reprimanded, waving her wand and removing most of the grime. "You have such lovely hair, it's much nicer than James's."

James's scowl darkened. "Alright, _leave._"

"Yes- Lily, you should get inside, we'll return him to you in the morning." Sirius smirked at his friend.

"I meant you." Grumbled James, but his wife tugged on his sleeve.

"They're right." She said, taking everyone by surprise. "You should go with them."

"You sure?" He asked.

"_Yes._" She made a noise somewhere between exasperation and amusement. "Go. Be Marauders."

And that, thought Remus, was why Lily fit so well.

"Lily?" James said.

"Yes?"

"Do you really like Sirius's hair more than mine?"

She laughed at his sulkiness, then reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair, sweeping it so that he looked like he'd just stepped off a broomstick. "Don't be stupid. Sirius's hair may be nicer, but I prefer yours."

Realising jointly what this was about to turn into, Remus and Sirius started down the walk towards the gate.

"Are you sure?" Pressed James, and Lily laughed again.

"Mmm. Wouldn't trade your hair for the world."

There followed snogging.

Sirius pretended to gag; Remus punched him, but privately wished that it would be over sooner rather than later. Not that he minded displays of affection too greatly, but when it came to these two they tended to be rather long-winded.

When it at last came to an end, Remus was inclined to agree with Sirius's mouthed "_Finally"_. And then Lily was pushing them all out onto the street, saying something about bubble baths. And then, they were gone.

x x x

"-And no stunning required." Sirius said proudly, as they stepped out of the alley (somewhere in Islington) they'd chosen to apparate to. They'd collected Peter by now, and there they stood- the Marauders.

"You were planning on _stunning_ us?" Asked James, incredulous, but Sirius ignored him.

"Alright, so on tonight's agenda is: get drunk, get into a few good pub fights-" There was a resounding chorus of negatives. Even from James, which made Sirius pause a little bit. But he continued remorselessly in the end. "-And get some girls."

"I'm married."

"Take off your ring, no one'll know." This earned him reproving glares. "Only joking." Sirius glanced around, weighing their options. "Wizarding pub or muggle?"

James said "Muggle" as Remus and Peter both said "Wizard". They all stared at one another.

Uncertainly, Sirius realised.

"This way, if Sirius gets us in too big a mess we can get out faster." Explained James, and Remus and Peter seemed to see the sense in that.

"Besides, Muggles don't cheat nearly as much at snooker." Added Sirius, as if that decided it all. Which it did. Definitely.

Pushing aside a gang of disappointed teenagers who had obviously just been ejected from a nearby bar, the Marauders made directly for the entrance.

"That would've been us a year ago." Peter said as they were treated to jealous glares. "Trying to sneak into a pub."

"Except _we_ could've Confounded any old Muggle into serving us." Sirius pointed out, then winced as he realised how that had sounded. "Serving us _drinks_, I mean. Merlin."

The smell of beer and cigarette smoke hit their nostrils with the force of a speeding bludger as they entered the pub. It was a dingy affair, but spacious and comfortable. There was just the right balance between too many people and too few that meant it was a hidden gem rather than just a shit bar that no one liked. Sirius had experience in these matters.

Sirius turned to James, and noticing the look of reluctance on his friend's face, punched him in the arm. Not gently.

"Oi!" He snapped. "Enough being a prat. Do you see Lily here?" Theatrically, he craned around as if the redheaded witch really was going to pop up from behind a booth. "No! Do you see responsibility here? No! So, for goodness' sake, get your wand out of your arse and let yourself live! Really live, I mean; because Merlin knows how long we're all going to be able to do that for. We're the bloody _Marauders, _in case you've all forgotten-" The other three wizards were staring at him, openmouthed, and he plunged on passionately. "-so you damn well better start acting like it! We're going to get completely sloshed, we're going to fight, we're going to embark on a motorcycle chase across London with some Muggle policemen-" James grinned. "-And we're going to _enjoy it._ You're acting like complete twats. 'Specially you, Prongs-" James stopped grinning. "-you're being a wanker, and that's not the Prongs I fell in love with."

Silence followed this pronouncement.

"Mate, I-" Began James uncertainly.

Sirius waved it away. "Nah, I only said that last bit because it sounded good. And your faces were hilarious. But I meant the part about you being a wanker. So," He'd already won over James and Peter, he could tell. And Moony was looking vaguely disapproving, yet tempted.

So, in short, everything was okay.

"-what do you say?"

He already knew what they were going to say.

x

Of the rest of the evening, one could say "it all passed in a blur", but Sirius felt it was really more of a smear. A fantastic smear; a smudge of neon paint across a dull and depressing still life.

There was some music, he supposed. Some sort of Muggle lovey-dovey shit. Lily probably liked it. So essentially, it was rubbish.

The drinks were markedly better. The bar boasted an impressive array of beers on tap, saying nothing about the enormous wall of assorted liqueurs that towered behind it. The pub (somebody or other's arms. Or was it King Charles's Severed Head? Something odd and quintessentially British, anyway) had been a good choice.

And yeah, there were some women, perhaps. Sometimes. In particular he remembered a blonde who had chosen to don an obscene amount of leopard-print clothing, but interesting as this was he'd waved her away, just like the others.

Tonight was about friendship.

Naff as that sounded, Sirius reflected (as he watched James and Peter lick coasters and stick them on each other), it was true.

"So what d'you reckon my chances are with Lily Evans?" James slurred at his side a little bit after that.

"I should think pretty high, seeing as you're _married_ to her." Snorted Sirius. "Git."

James shook himself back into reality. "Right." He grinned tiredly, stretching his arms upwards. "For a minute there I thought we were still back in school."

_Those days were better, _Sirius didn't say.

He didn't have to.

"Those days were better." Remarked James. "Other than the Lily thing, obviously."

"Yeah, that was all pretty pathetic." Sirius agreed. "No offense."

But James only chuckled. "You mean how she hated me, and then we finally become friends-"

"-And you went and got upset over that goddamn Marlene business-"

"And then _IT_ happened right after that." Finished James. "And things went mental from there."

"Right, _IT._" Sirius smiled fondly at the memory.

"What was _IT?_" Peter asked curiously, having sidled over to them. Remus was nowhere in sight.

"You remember _IT._" Sirius rolled his eyes. Honestly. _IT_ was only one of the most important events in the story of Lily and James. He pitied anybody who felt the need to write that goddamn story down, because it was an insane one, but he hoped they didn't leave _IT _out.

"The whole business with the sea sponge." Supplied James.

Peter laughed, remembering.

"Are we discussing _IT?_" _There_ was Remus. "Because that was stupid."

"And hilarious."

"And hilarious." Remus agreed. "Anyone up for darts?"

Sirius raised a hand.

"Anyone who _isn't_ going to throw the darts at people?"

x x x

Outside Remus's flat, James made to spin on the spot, beginning apparition, but Sirius grabbed his arm.

"What?" Said the first.

"Can we apparate a few streets away," The second asked. "And walk for a bit?"

"OK," James replied, shrugging. "Queen Vic Avenue and Birch?"

Sirius nodded. Then they disapparated, and the Queen Victoria Avenue sign came into view.

James stuck his hands in his pockets, staring upwards contentedly. Pink dawn was already shooting lighter veins through the night sky. It was beautiful, if you liked that sort of thing. "This was a good idea."

"Fresh air clears the head." Sirius explained, his head feeling quite the opposite of clear.

"I meant, all of this." James looked at him. "Thank you."

"No problem." Sirius replied, and it wasn't a problem. Not in the slightest.

"Merlin, we were idiots." Continued James, obviously about to embark on some sort of moving speech.

"One of us still is."

"Sod off." But James was grinning. "R'member how all there was was pranks, and alcohol, and girls..." He trailed off nostalgically.

"Or _girl, _in _your_ case." Sirius interjected.

"Oi, some- sometimes there was a... a plural." James attempted to hit his arm lightly, but missed by several inches. "Well, now it's all... war, and weddings, and having kids..."

Sirius grabbed James's arm, and for a few seconds dwelled proudly on the fact that _he_ didn't miss. "Hold on. Having _kids?"_ He repeated, incredulous.

"Not _now._ Not- not _soon_, either... just maybe, in the future. We've talked about it."

He waited anxiously as Sirius digested this. Then:

"Godfather."

"What?"

"I'm Godfather. For the first one, anyway. Moony and Wormtail, and whoever, they can have..." _Merlin, _he thought hazily. "...any others."

"Well, yeah." James agreed, as if it were obvious.

Sirius laughed for no good reason. They resumed walking.

"I love you." Sirius mumbled blearily.

"Whassat?"

Louder: "I said, I love you."

James seemed to struggle between confusion and panic for a few seconds. Then he did the obvious thing and panicked confusedly. And drunkenly. He was, after all, drunk.

"Sirius- mate- Padfoot, are you serious? I mean... I know you're Sirius, that's your name, but that's a really... and, I'm married-"

"I didn't mean it like _that, _you prat." Interrupted Sirius, then smiled at the accidental rhyme. "But I am serious." He frowned. "I mean, 's not a joke." Goddamn name.

"How did you mean it, then?"

"In a 'best mates' way, I suppose. But that's not why I said it." Off James's questioning look, he continued. "I guess I... just wanted to say it. Once. And to have it be true, y'know?"

Sirius considered the tall man before him. He'd watched this man grow up- the small snotty kid becoming tall and lanky and good-looking and much too cocky for his own good. It was difficult, stringing the exact right thoughts together to explain just what he wanted to say... well, it was difficult to even think much at all by this point.

"So it had to be you, mate." He said finally. "Otherwise, wouldn't be true."

James didn't reply, not really, but he placed hand on Sirius's shoulder and gave a squeeze.

And somehow, that was all Sirius needed.

* * *

**A/N**: So I've been doing some research and I heard that apparently maybe Lily and James's parents are supposed to die of fairly natural-ish causes, but honestly that's rather boring to read about and I'm not changing things now. I'm also undecided whether to make James's parents be Charlus and Dorea (chronologically their death dates etc would work) idk, I'll decide later. Probably. Please review, have a nice day.


End file.
